MAY'S JOURNAL
Entries for January, 2009
January 6th, 2009
Google Dance and Page Ranking POSTED AT 06:22 PM in My Life and what's left of it... Google just gave me PR1! I know it's not much but at least I am moving onwards even with the fact that I don't update this blog as often as I should. Through this post, I would like to extend my thanks to my guests who encourage me to express my emotions and thoughts through this blog. You, my readers are the reason why I have this upgraded Google Ranking. Shucks! This feels like giving an award speech, hahaha! Anyways, I will be updating this blog every now and then. It seems I got so overwhelmed with my new responsibilities that it'll be difficult to do so, but I will try my very best. That's it for now. See ya soon! Listening to: If You Don't Know Me By Now by Simply Red Feeling: okay Share your thoughts here.
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January 7th, 2009
Yet Another New Year's Resolution POSTED AT 02:28 PM in My Life and what's left of it... In 2009 I will stop smoking... In 2009, I will stop partying till dawn... In 2009, I will lose 20 lbs of unwanted fat... In 2009... Do they sound familiar to you? Yep, those are just some of the New Year's Resolution that millions of people around the world are having in their quest to a renewed life in a new year. I'm but one of those people who wanted to have changes in my life -- all for the better. First and foremost I vow to strighten up my relationship with God. I know He was disappointed with my life and I want to show Him just how much I wanted to find favor in His holy sight. This includes my civil status, I have to make sure, things will be clear this year. Second, I pledge to be a good mother to little Nicholas. I know things will be difficult and challenging now that I have to work harder not only for my survival but also for the comfort and good future of my son. Third, I promise to be a good daughter to my wonderful parents. I know we have a bad and sad past as we struggled with life and all the complications in it. I know I've caused them grief and joy at the same time with the way I manage my life. It's about time I give them all the happiness they deserve from a daughter they reared as a good Christian and wholistic individual. Fourth, though it's pretty hard to accomplish this, I vow to have my book published, maybe even finished, this year. It's long overdue and I badly needed to establish a career path and a permanent inspiration and source of income for my baby. It's not easy to be a single Mom... Fifth, I promise to work harder and try my very best to accomplish all of my 4 New Year's Resolution. I fervently hope I'll be able to make all these a reality... Happy New Year to all! Listening to: Tomorrow by Lea Salonga Feeling: hopeful |
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January 9th, 2009
The so-called Friendship... POSTED AT 03:58 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., Writing for sanity's sake Belle shook her head, she can't believe this is really happening. She refreshed the screen again to make sure this isn't just a glitch but the words stared back at her, insulting her. Her memory went backwards, two years ago when she lost faith in friendship.... MY FRIEND ISN'T A FLIRT! Belle, becoming really mad every second spat the words onto her chatmate Clint. Hehehe, now don't be so mad little angel, I'm just trying to help you see the light of this. Clint cooly replied. But my friend will not do that to me, I mean look Clint, we've been friends for 10 years, she's my bestfriend... Belle's fingers rapidly typed. But apparently she isn't treating you as her bestfriend, let alone a friend. Look Belle, I know this is hard to accept but she stabbed you at your back and I'm just helping you to see that truth. Clint's words made Belle's mind spin. But, she told me it was you who flirted with her, not the other way around. That's why I am ending this little "relationship" we're having, it's not gonna work Clint and saying these things against my friend will never help. Belle typed with conviction. Sure little angel, it's got to end when it's got to end, but well, I do care for you so I'm gonna send you one last email containing the truth. I hope you'll use your intelligence this time and see how deep in the mud that so-called friendship is. Forget me, sure, but forget her as well, she doesn't deserve a good friend like you. Bye little angel.... Take care. Belle tried to relax herself, telling herself over and over again that Clint cannot destroy her friendship with Karen. He's just a man, JUST a MAN, no man can break 10 years of friendship. Belle was confident she saw the end of her supposed love story with Clint. She doesn't really like the guy, she's plain too confident of himself, Belle hates fresh men, she was just playing along with him for weeks, feeding his ego because she doesn't have the heart to break anybody's heart. And now he's inciminated Karen in the story. But oh well, Belle knows he's lying, certainly Karen will not betray her. "You've got new mail" Belle's messenger flashed the message. Belle clicked on to her email account and retrieved the new email. So, Clint is really keen on sending her an email. Belle waited patiently for the email to load, not really sure what to expect.
Mon
2/6/2006 3:16 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: Weekend was good thanks.
Listen, I've "known" you almost as long as I've known Belle. I think
you're both a lot of fun, very sweet, smart, Gorgeous, and playful. It really
upset me some of the things you told Belle. Why would you intentionally try to
hurt her? Why would you play silly stupid games with me as a "test"?
I'm not out to hurt anyone. Just trying to find the one person out there that's
right for me...How can I tell before I meet someone if they're the right one? I
can't. You were just playing me, and I don't like being played. I'm a person
with feelings too. Belle is a great person, and I thought you were too. And I
thought you meant some of the things you said to me...Guess not! Thanks for
making me smile and making my days go by so quickly for a few days. Mon
2/6/2006 3:26 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: Aha! I am sorry it sounded to
you that way. Belle told me she was seriously into you. And was a bit jealous
when I told her that we are emailing each other. Yes I was surprised to know why
you were flirting with me when you seemed so decent with her so I was thinking maybe
you were testing me? SO I sort of played along. But I have come to like what we
have Clint. I guess I screwed it up. =( I am sorry. I never meant to hurt
anyone here. Mon
2/6/2006 3:33 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: Now I feel like everything you said to me/told me was all just a game. Belle
is falling fast, and that's a little scary considering we haven't even met. I
want to be with the person that's right for me, and I just don't know
anymore...I'm not out for a one-night stand or just sex...I'm past that stage
in my life. Want to have fun, and spend time with a special person. I really
think you're amazing. No worries. Mon
2/6/2006 3:49 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: Belle falls fast. The reason I
needed to check out on you. I did not know I'd be hurting you in the process. I
did not intend to hurt anyone. Especially I did not intend to fall for anyone. Mon
2/6/2006 3:58 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: I'm a big boy....Not the first
time I've been hurt, and I'm sure this won't be the last. It was just that I could
never chat with Belle, and I felt like I was getting to know you better as much
as we talked/e-mailed. And then that night
in Guam when I came home late from a night of drinking, I let things get out of
control...I'm sorry for that. We're all adults...things always work out one way
or another. Mon
2/6/2006 4:05 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: Damn, what has my carelessness
got me into? How come you can't chat with Belle anymore. Does that mean you
don't want to email me anymore either? You see Clint, I understood you. And it
was nothing for me that you were flirting. Almost all guys do that- with me. I
don't know why. I am a single lady who is free to talk to anyone and have fun.
I must say you are interesting and even if I never took notice of Belle's
friends before, you fascinated me after the 10th mail? Mon
2/6/2006 4:24 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: I meant that she was never
online when I was online to chat...Not that I wasn't going to chat with
her...So I couldn't get to know her
better. You don't even know what you want! It's ok...I think we're all looking
for something...Hope we find it someday. Mon
2/6/2006 4:32 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: So are we friends again?
*biting lip* I hope you will not be more devastated when you know the truth. Mon
2/6/2006 4:43 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: KNOW WHAT TRUTH??? That's what
I mean...I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU FEEL...Ugggghhhhhh. You leave
all these open-ended statements just hanging here..."Never mind..."
WHAT??? Talk to me. If you're "falling" for me does Belle know that?
Now I'm getting frustrated. Mon
2/6/2006 4:56 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: Hmm. So you're like trying to
see who's gonna fall for you head over heels? And then decide to end up with
her? Mon
2/6/2006 5:00 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: NO! I don't even know who's
being honest with me...About anything! Mon
2/6/2006 5:17 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: In time you will know. I wish I
could just tell you everything. But I don't go about telling other people's private
stuff. Damn, this is killing me. I wish I met you first. Are you mad at me now? Mon
2/6/2006 5:22 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: I wish you could tell me too! I
know Belle is still married if that's what you mean. Mon
2/6/2006 5:24 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: And what do you think about that?
She can't get annulled you know. So certainly it will be just a game for both of
you and then you'll get hurt? Mon
2/6/2006 5:27 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: She can get divorced, right? Mon
2/6/2006 5:36 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: No Clint, she can't. No
annullment, no divorce. Unless we'd get crazy enough to have that bastard
killed. So you're falling for her... Mon
2/6/2006 5:45 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: I guess I am falling for her,
she’s a great person... But Love is VERY serious to me. I like a lot of people,
but I don't just fall in love in a week. I didn't know she couldn't get a
divorce EVENTUALLY. That's different. She made it sound like she was separated
waiting for a divorce...Guess it's different in the PI. Mon
2/6/2006 5:47 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: No one can get a divorce in the
Philippines but others can get annulled. However, our Church doesn't honor either
of those. Can I add you to my YM? Mon
2/6/2006 5:48 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: I didn't know that. Yes...But I
can't IM at work. I usually get home around 5 my time 4 your time Mon
2/6/2006 5:55 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: It's okay. I just wanted to add
you anyway, =p Too bad. I will be online later. LOL. But I don't think you
would want to see me on cam and chat with me after what just happened? Mon
2/6/2006 5:57 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: I'm not that shallow, and I
don't hold grudges. Maybe we'll chat later. Off to a meeting. Have a great day. Mon
2/6/2006 5:59 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: Take care... Tue
2/7/2006 4:07 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: I hurt Belle's feelings REALLY
bad last night...HATE DOING THAT! She's really a great person. She's in a tough
spot in her life. Tue
2/7/2006 4:09 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: Sorry to hear that. Uhm, what
did you do? Tue
2/7/2006 4:11 PM ************************************************************************************ Clint wrote: Just did what I thought was
right. Tue
2/7/2006 4:16 PM ************************************************************************************ Karen wrote: Okay. Just tell me if there is
something I can do. Tue
2/7/2006 4:23 PM ************************************************************************************* Clint wrote: Be her friend is probably the
best thing...Thanks. Have to stop this now. Belle thought her heart stopped beating after reading the contents of the email. She can't believe her friend can actually do that to her. They live together! They talk everyday! Why didn't she mentioned anything about liking Clint? Belle can always give him up! She's not that into him! She doesn't deserve this betrayal. Karen knows she can get an anullment anytime and marry anybody if she wants to. Why does she have to go low and tell that lie to Clint? She doesn't care if she lose her so-called relationship with Clint, what's important is her friendship with Karen. But why? What compelled her to betray her this way? Belle forwarded the email to Karen along with the line "How can you do this?". Karen sent her an angry reply. Why is she angry? Because she got caught? Or because Belle also sent the email to Karen's boyfriend? Karen told her "I don't expect to see you home". The nerve of that girl! Belle found that house in the first place! And they share the rent! What right has she got to kisk her out to the streets? She'll be home in a few minutes. She'll be seeing Karen. Maybe they should talk. Belle wonders how her friend will deal with the situation. She let out a sigh. "Oh well... we'll see" she told herself. Belle was disappointed however to realize that Karen is the most high-pride person she'd known. My! She never even uttered a single word to her! No "I'm sorry", nothing. She just turned her back on Belle and pretended to sleep. Belle decided not to say anything as well. She's so disappointed with her friend. She might say things that she'll regret later. She packed her things. Belle spent the night in the internet cafe that evening. She's new in that city and Karen is the only person she's close to. She can't go anywhere else or ask anybody else for a place to stay. She doesn't have enough money for a hotel room as well. She slept exhausted in the 24-hour internet cafe. She'll find a home the next day. Belle can never forget that experience. She skipped work the next day and walked around the city with her things looking for a place to stay. She was lucky to find one that allowed her to stay right there and then even if she can't pay yet. But she guess, she isn't that lucky with friendship... Now after more than 2 years, Karen sent her an email, vindicating herself, telling her that she has done nothing wrong. NOTHING WRONG! True, Belle have forgiven her a long time ago. She even endeavor to reach out to her again. Belle is a very forgiving person. But Belle admits she can never trust Karen again. Karen wounded their friendship, she left a big scar on it. She can never erase that scar especially that she never bothered to talk about the incident, until now... What makes her think she can get away with something just because she "forgot" about it a long time ago and then she justifies her actions now as if Belle have forgotten a single word or moment of that "event"? No, Belle sees Karen as a friend still, but it's not the same friendship anymore. She lost faith in that friendship. She is just pat of her past, someone who taught her a lesson of trust and betrayal. Someone who has given her a so-called friendship...
Listening to: Reflection by Christina Aguillera Feeling: blank |
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Yes, I was surprised
by your behavior while you were in Guam. But it was flattering nonetheless. I
was just surprised that Belle never mentioned dirty/naughty talks with you. So
I was thinking, "Jeez Karen, you're one helluva flirt!" But anyway, I
don't blame you if you don't want to email me anymore. I did not find you
anyway. I mean I should have not been emailing you in the first place. I wish
it just turned out right. Oh well... I think I will still have an email after I
sent this? January 11th, 2009
If I Were A Boy POSTED AT 02:46 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., That's what you call Music I was listening to Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy" and it made me think about the men who took me for granted in the past. The thought almost led me to tears again but the action was lost before it started when I firmly told myself "Don't let another boy ruin you again, don't let anybody reduce you into someone akin to an unfeeling animal".
If I Were A Boy? I'm not really sure what I will do, but I am certain of what I will never do. I will never take advantage of a girl's tendency to love wholeheartedly. But I am not a boy. And though being a girl made me experience a whole lot of heartbreaks in the past, I'm still thankful I'm not a boy... If you know what I mean. Listening to: If I Were A Boy by Beyonce Knowles Feeling: blah |
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