I’m Missing Them Again
POSTED AT 12:20 PM in My Life and what's left of it...

Since my Sundays are usually spent reflecting about my life, I have had enough time to think about my family again.

Months, it has been 6 months since I’ve seen them. It seems like 6 years though. When others think time flies so fast, I seem to feel the contrary. I do believe though that time flies fast when you’re happy. And so it isn’t a surprise why time flies so slow for me.

I miss my cute nieces and my one and only nephew. I miss giving them my big hug, even simultaneously carrying two or three of them in my arms. I miss the way they childishly vie for my attention, the way they cling to me like I’m their mother. I miss the cute way they ask for my opinion over trivial matters like Mama May, is my drawing nice?  or Mama May, am I allowed to eat this chocolate? I miss playing “horsie-horsie” with them, or those “pillow fights”, those “monster attacks”, those cooking and eating sessions… It’s sad, really sad to miss their growth, their schooling, their everything. I want to hold them in my arms again.

I miss my sisters; our secret jokes, our silly games, our funny moments, even the sad ones -- the times when we used to fight over childish things and then laugh about it after a few minutes; the times we used to argue over trivial matters and then cling our arms together after we’ve meet halfway; the times when we cried together over sad family issues, or laugh together over the funny ones. I miss the support that we gave each other whenever problems arise and it seems there’s no one else to talk to, no one else will understand better but us.

I miss my Papa too. I miss his jokes, his loud laughs. I miss his moods, his sudden and loud anger that was quickly gone and replaced by a happy aura. Papa and I, we were never close. Maybe it’s because we were not able to reach out to each other. Maybe it’s because we’re so comparable in many ways that we repel each other. That never stopped me from loving him so much though. Even after he abandoned me on this time when I needed him most. Even after he implied he never loved me and that I’ve done something unforgivable in his eyes. I miss him so much.

I miss my Mama, and my tears are running down my cheeks while I’m typing those words. I can’t help it. I am in a situation wherein I badly needed a hug. I miss my Mama’s warm embrace. I want her so much to comfort me, to tell me things will be ok. To tell me I’ll be fine, that I can handle this… that she’s with me all the way, giving me strength. I want to hold my Mama’s hand. I want feel her reassuring touch. I want hear her whisper on my ears I love you. I want to cling to her and never let go.

I miss my family. And thinking that I wouldn’t be spending New Year with them cuts like a knife…

Feeling: alone

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