If it makes me happy...
POSTED AT 10:28 AM in My Life and what's left of it..., That's what you call Music

...it can't be that bad...

Yes, I just heard Sheryl Crow over the radio, repeating the lines again and again as if she wants me to realize that I'm not supposedly frowning right now even with the fact that GrandPa just died.

I chose to leave. If I don't have the chance, the final chance to see GrandPa again, it's because I chose to leave. It was my choice. And it was one of the evil choices that I thought would give me the least evil of all.

I could have chosen to be a murderer and rob little Nicholas of a chance to live. I could have chosen to face all the humiliation and criticisms of everybody who thought they are righteous. I could have selfishly stood up against the world, in the expense of my parents' peace and  social status. Then I would be there in my hometown still, I can be with GrandPa on his last days in earth. But then, I have chosen to leave, it was MY decision.

However, not every decision we take would ultimately take us to our most coveted happiness. If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad... Having little Nicholas would indeed make me happy, but I felt like the only one happy about it. Will little Nicholas feel happy of my decision? Other people are not. My parents, especially my Papa, weren't happy about the road I've taken. Others have found pleasure in hurting me by being cruel and judgemental. Did it  really make me happy? Why then it seems... bad?

Listening to: If It Makes You Happy by Sheryl Crow
Feeling: distressed

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