Just Do It
POSTED AT 09:09 AM in My Life and what's left of it..., My Little Nicholas

It was more than a month ago when my friend LordWarWizard from MYLOT started a discussion about "Doing it or Thinking about it first". I remembered I was in such a heavy state by then because of emotional issues that I responded with seven paragraphs! Oh my! I pity my friend, he must have slept reading all through my reply.

But yesterday, after logging-on to my account in MYLOT, I saw that he gave me the most coveted Best Reponse award out of more than 50 responses. Hmmmm... so I guess he didn't sleep through it. Yey!

I'm not sure if you are interested about my response but you can do nothing, I'm posting it here anyway, hahaha! So here it goes:

Shucks! I know I'm not indecisive but I do procrastinate at times. My friends would sometimes tell me "The problem with you May is that you think too much." Well, that made them think they had the right to see me as a boring person, a killjoy who doesn't appreciate risks and adventures because I have to think things over before plunging into it; thus, missing the "fun" sometimes.

But come to think of it, if I am a "thinker" and I don't just do it, why am I living a life that I'm living today? Don't get me wrong, having a baby is the most wonderful experience that I ever had (6 months preggy, hehehe) even if I am alone in this phase of my life and even if everybody has abandoned me for being an immoral person.

Does it mean I thought this over? That I wanted this? That I never jumped into the pregnancy wagon just like that? Hmmmm... I've been asking myself that too.

Having another life growing inside you is a risk indeed, and this time, I wasn't being killjoy, I embraced the "fun" of having a baby. I realized however that I didn't just do this. I didn't just decided "Hey, I wanna have a baby tonight, let's do it!" No, I didn't do that at all. I remember wanting this baby badly since I held my first niece in my arms, 9 years ago. And I remember this feeling growing whenever I think of my broken marriage.

Me, a separated woman, getting older, alone, lonely and childless... Of course I have to do something about it. And since my ex-hubby won't sign the annulment papers, I have to cross the morality gates as well. So I'm immoral for wanting a child. It breaks my heart to hear others whisper that I'm having a b@st@rd, I ache for my little Nicholas. But this is the consequence of wanting to have someone to love and to cherish forever. I may not have the chance of happiness with another man again but I am willing to bet my life that my own little Nicholas will never abandon me and will always be there for me until the day I die.

*Sniff, now I'm making a drama out of your discussion. My apologies, I guess, discussions such as this, makes me get carried away and away to nothingness....

No, I don't think I'm a "Just do it" person, I'm still the same me, no matter what decisions I have made in my life. I still gave my life lots and lots of thought.

See? Told you my response is quite, errrr.. long... Hehehe! Hope you didn't fall asleep!

 Subscribe to my Feed