Prior to printing the book, the following components are very important so that the book can stay on bookstore and library shelves: (1) an ISBN (International Standard Book Number) which is actually the book's social security number for identification purposes; to get this, one should fill out some forms from the R.R. Bowker Company (for US citizens) or from the National Library of the Philippines (for Filipinos), pay the fee (a couple hundred dollars), (2) a Library of Congress catalog number to get the book into libraries (a bigger market), (3) an EAN or a European Article Number, a UPC bar code scanning symbol made especially for books, (4) the book price, so you can print it on the book cover as well; traditional wisdom tells us that a book should cost at least 5 times the cost of each book in the initial production/printing (go average or higher than competition), (5) endorsements or blurbs solicited from other writers or known book critic for the back cover, and (6) the front and back material such as preface, table of contents, copyright page, acknowledgements, author biography, among others.
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MAY'S JOURNAL
Entries for August, 2008
August 1st, 2008
The story behind "Alone..." POSTED AT 02:35 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., Writing for sanity's sake as a favorite post I wrote this poem two years ago, during the time when I felt so lost and so at loss. I can still remember how stupid I was for committing my second unsuccessful suicide attempt then... It was as if the earth has just opened at my feet and swallowed me whole. It was as if I'm drowning in a murky pool of wasted lives and no one was there to save me. It was those times when I thought life has finally come to its ultimate end. I remembered my life then, like a flashback, all those scenes, making me moan in the darkness of my room, making me shiver with cold while I'm covered with sweat... I remembered grabbing my favorite notebook and my pen and with hands shaking, I started to scribble my suicide note. But instead of a few words of goodbye, I came up with these nostalgic phrases and I can't seem to stop myself from doing so. Then it suddenly struck me I can't die, not yet. No one will allow me to be freed from this pain, I cannot walk away from it now. I'm the star of this over-dramatic script and there's no one who can replace me yet. I have to live and endure the shattering and maddening pain of living... Alone… P.S. This poem was published in a local newspaper in Davao City (Sun Star Davao - Dagmay Section) on April 13, 2008. My thanks to the people behind the Davao Writer's Guild for praising my literary contribution... Reading: Trust Me by Jayne Ann Krentz Listening to: Alone by Heart Feeling: nostalgic 3 comments now. Add yours.
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August 2nd, 2008
My Self Publishing Plans POSTED AT 10:58 AM in My Life and what's left of it..., Writing for sanity's sake as a favorite post I logged in to my mylot account this morning and got perked up with one discussion started by one member (tanniebabe78) regarding books and publishing. Her discussion was titled: Publishing house or self published?. She then goes on asking others what would they choose and why. She have been in favor of having a publishing house do the stuff for her but she changed her mind. Most of the reasons she gave was on "proprietory issues" like an editor might want to change her title and sorta like "own it" for the promise of making it a best seller. She also shared that Dean Koontz and Stephen King self-published their books because publishers were tying to bully them into changing titles and sticking into a certain classification of book. Shucks! I would have to self-publish then (if ever)! I know I just got started with my book but hey! I better give this some thorough thinking as well, right? This is an important part as well. I mean, why write a book if no one's get to read it? Well, someone responded on that discussion and she had a few books on a self publishing site lulu.com. Oh there are so many self-publishing sites out there who offers different programs and benefits like selfpublishing.com, among others. I tried creating an account in lulu.com this morning and I think the site is cool for a newbie like me. I visited selfpublishing.com as well and I like the way they wanna educate would-be self publishers first before they plunge into it. There are actually so many available information in the web regarding self publishing. I digged this morning and I'm sharing it to you now (in case you want to self-publish like me). So here's the whole enchilada: Self Publishing is like a Dream Come True Yes, for writers and frustrated writers (like me), self publishing is a real cool and captivating option. It's one of those not-so-many solutions in getting your work across a wide variety of readers, helping you on your goal to educate others about life and making a name for yourself as well (not to mention earn from it!). But it's of a greater perspective to writers because it gives them the sense of "control" over their literary works, that instead of just writing the content she created the book as a whole -- a very satisfying concept of authoring a book. I'm sure it's not as easy as it sounds but well, nothing comes easy nowadays... The concept behind Self Publishing So, what does self publishing litearary means? Basically, it means that after writing the book, one must also take care of everything that a publishing house like Random House, Wiley, Bantam and others are set to do. Meaning, the writer alone will have the sole responsibilty in producing copies of books and distribute them to readers through a bookstore. But it doesn't necessarily mean that the writer herself would have to run her own printing press or bookshop. Of course, she can get any help she wants but she'll have to finance the entire project in order to produce and sell her product: her book. The self publishing writer should strive to break-even over time and of course take some profit. Thus, the concept can be categorized into three general steps: (1) Write, edit and illustrate the book, (2) Prepare the book for printing and have it printed, and (3) Sell the book. Piece of cake? We'll see...
Publishing: Dissected Self publishing is like operating a small business. Meaning, just like other businesses, (1) one must decide on a business name (be sure to check publications to see if your proposed business name is already existing and thus used by others and that it must contain the word "Publisher" or "Press" or "Books" for clarity), (2) have the business registered/licensed, depending on local rules and regulations, (3) design the business logo, (4) open a bank account dedicated to the business, (5) create business letterhead and cards (6) create and publish a website for the business, and (7) get a post office box for business mails. You must also take care of tax and tax deductions since you're more likely to be working/writing at home. The Book as a Whole
One can write about anything she wants but if money is at stake, the book must be more than just a literary contribution or a work of art, it should sell as well. Meaning, one must make sure she gets a group of readers who'll be interested in her subject. So what sells? Well, this is a highly debatable issue so we really can't dwell into the complexity of that issue right now, it's a very individualistic process that each self publisher should go through. Thus, one must go through the following stages: (1) see what kind of books sell, one can check through Amazon rankings for example (2) envision the book as an actual, physical product -- its binding, size, pages, cost and more. (3) choose a topic that never goes out of style, something that readers are still likely to pick years after it first came out (4) also make sure that the topic is universal and appealing to a very large market, and (5) see if you can come up with a topic that can sell in the speciality retail channel as well.
The Content
After one is decided in the type of book she wants to write, as well as more or less covered the whole aspect of the book, one then busies herself in writing. Others would want to shut themselves from the world, write and write, then edit/proofread the manuscript thereafter. One can also hire a freelance development editor to do the proofreading and editing part if she wants to. But hiring one could be costly, it will help you save time however.
The Reinforcements
The Book and Everything in it
Prior to Printing
Printing your Book
Printing Press/Book Manufacturer shopping/researching is the next step. One must ask for a quotation that the manufacturer will honor for 30-90 days as well as samples of their printed products. The more manufacturers to choose from, the wider the options one can get, so be sure to compare and contrast the offers. Before asking for a quote however, one must already certain of the number of books to be printed; the more books to print, the lower the price. But one must never over-estimate, because everything might not be converted to profit. (Most self publishers go for 1000-5000 books) Prior to final printing, one must ask for print proofs, this will give you the opportunity to final check the before printing the book. Errors found could either be a printer's error or author's adjustment (your own error and you may have to pay for it extra). Galleys (bound advance versions) can be printed at this point for advance marketing, then the printer can create the entire run of the book and ship the copies to your indicated address.
Marketing your Book
Selling your Book
On the day that the book is out for selling, one major goal is get people to buy the book. Thus, it is but important to take care of the following major customers: (1) Independent and established bookstores, (2) Wholesalers who deliver books to many bookstores, (3) Distributors who purchase books to resell them to bookstores, (4) Exclusive Distributors who will control everything about selling the book in exchange for an exclusive distribution rights, and (5) Online Sellers. One must consider at this point three concepts: discounts, returns and billing; thus, terms and conditions in selling/distributing the book is of utmost importance. Example of these terms are as follows: (1) Independent bookstores get 40% off the price in general, (2) Wholesalers and Distributors get 50-55% off the price in general and (3) Exclusive Distributors get 62-67% off the price in general.
Everything begins in writing actually, when one sits down and put her ideas into words. The rewards of self-publishing are generally reaped after all the aforementioned work is done, when initial costs are recouped, every book printed is converted to money and at least thousands of people (as in thousands of copies) knows of your name and writing abilities. Therefore, if one wants to publish her book, it doesn't hurt to educate herself with the publishing stuff even before writing that first draft!
Listening to: Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper Feeling: excited |
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August 4th, 2008
On the Chinese Mummy... POSTED AT 09:52 AM in Big screen ravings
The movie's ok because accept it or not, Jet Li is a big name in the movie industry. But I wasn't looking forward to an ok movie, I wanted a great movie, something that I can rave about like I did when I watched The Dark Knight. What I mean is that, you are not missing a great deal at all if you don't go and watch the movie in the big screen. The Dark Knight got a whooping 94% in RottenTomatoes while The Mummy got a very disappointing 9%! What a @$#@!$! It's not that the two movies are comparable but both are sequels and they definitely went different directions! Shucks! Rachel could have saved the movie, but then again, it could also hurt her career. I read a news item about the reasons why she dropped out of the movie. Her press release talked so much of schedule conflicts and spending more quality time with her family. But then there are talks about Rachel not liking the script at all, that it is crappy and really ugly for her career. She just have to let it go. I heard someone screaming Traitor! But I don't think Rachel has betrayed anybody at all, at least she's being smart enough not to give her fans a movie with a crappy script. If producers want loyalty, they should have made good of the script. After watching the movie, I realized it's better that Rachel didn't star in this sequel. It could really ruin her good image after that award-winning acting in The Fountain (of course with my number 1 fave and oh-so delicious Hugh Jackman). Enough about Rachel (for now). We might as well review some of the movies' bits and pieces, let's just hope I remember eveything, it's not the kind of movie that sticks in your mind you know. I promise I won't say that it's "unbearably empty and dumb" like one of the movie critics did. (1) 27-year-old Luke Ford certainly looks every year of his age and thus, he's just too wrong for Alex O'Conell's role. Ok, Brendan Fraser is 39, and yet, he looks like he's in his late 20's. I just don't understand why Ford got the role. His accent isn't even British (well, he should be after growing up in London with a British Mom, right?) and he's trying to be charming but I can't see the charm at all! I mean, the Chinese girl, 19-year-old Isabella Leong can't be falling for him! No offense meant, but I don't like his acting as well, really bad, really sad. (2) Maria Bello? Who is Maria Bello? Well, this is definitely not her first movie but she really acts like an amateur! They replaced Rachel with this blond? She isn't British, her voice isn't cute, she isn't sweet-looking and she isn't funny at all. Why her? I think I'm just too disappointed that Rachel's not in the movie but they should have at least looked for a better replacement! (3) John Hannah and Imhotep's Bar. At least Evie's brother Jonathan is still played by John Hannah, he's just the right guy for the role, funny, witty and yet dumb sometimes, well, he's not a Scottish BAFTA Best Actor for nothing! And hey! I like his bar! Imhotep's Bar is sooo cool. Typical for Jonathan to do something like that eh? They also maintained the fact that Jonathan always ends up with some goodies in the final scenes, like the diamond "The Eye of the Emperor" in this sequel. (4) I never think the all-scary abominable snowman looks that cute. I promise! They looked cute in this movie! They only look scary when they attack and give those grawls. But they really looked cuddly and cute in normal instances. Is that how they're supposed to look like? It's not that I mind, I was just curious, but I do think they're cute though when they cheered and gave each other high-fives! (5) Jet Li doesn't look half as scary and indignant as Imhotep (Arnold Vosloo)! And yes, that isn't a mummy he's portraying! It's a Terra Cotta warrior dummy! They could have just casted anybody else with the "masked" Emperor running around in that costume. I'm a Jet Li fan but after his movie with Jacky Chan, I couldn't believe he'll let himself be casted in that awful character! I mean, it's fine that he's the antagonist for a change but the role is just degrading! He's supposed to be a powerful Emperor who can control 5 elements and he can only transform into a three-headed dragon who spits smoke and an unknown and terrible looking animal that runs and chases a plane? That's terrible! With his power, he can dispel the commoner's army led by General Ming in one tornado! Hmmm... poor script eh? (6) You'll definitely know how to kill the Emperor in the first 20 minutes. Boring? Of course! That's so predictable! They however managed to put up an explosive 1 hour and 30 minutes towards the end before the killing of the Emperor can be done. And why did Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser) rolled his eyes upon knowing that this magic knife can kill the "mummy"? He's been chasing mummies all his life and has been killing them with unimaginable weapons, why not believe a magic knife's power? (7) Michelle Yeow is still gorgeous and sexy at 45. Yep, the Chinese Queen of Martial Arts is still sizzling hot in this movie. I just can't believe though that she isn't carrying the same bottle that contains the water which healed Rick O'Connell's wounds. She should have known she'll be wounded as she's bound to lose her immortality, she could use that water... ehem! poor script again? Sigh, I feel so terrible writing all these terrrible words, i should stop now. I loved The Mummy, this is one of those genre that makes me tick. But after watching The Mummy 3, I can hear myself saying "Stick to suspense-thrillers ok?". Triple sigh! Reading: Lovers by Judith Krantz Listening to: Boys Don't Cry by Cure Feeling: disappointed |
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August 5th, 2008
"Brush with Death" - a short story POSTED AT 09:33 AM in My Life and what's left of it..., Writing for sanity's sake as a favorite post ~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~ It's a cold yet a bright Monday morning. The streets are quiet; either
people are still asleep or buildings are yet to open at 9:00 AM. Graziella is
walking slowly, enjoying the peace and the solitude of the early morning
breeze. She's not in a hurry at all. She still have 10 minutes to get to her
7:00 AM work schedule and it's just about 3 blocks away anyway. Graziella can see the man standing and often swaying a couple of blocks away
from her. She's always been a brave woman, she's never been afraid of ghosts or
the darkness of the night. Seeing the man however gave her the creeps. A block away from the man, Graziella can see the man swaying again. Taking
his wallet out and exposing a wad of bills, the man gave her an evil grin.
"God! A drunk at the start of the day! Talk about bad news!"
Graziella muttered to herself. Graziella doesn't want trouble on a beautiful morning so she decided to turn
the next block to avoid the man. Too late. Unfortunately, with the small road
just between them, it won't be as easy as 1-2-3. The man started calling after Graziella that the hair in her arms stood up.
She tried to look back and saw that the man is trying to pull something from
his trousers. "Lord God! He's got a gun!" Graziella whispered, her
knees are shaking, she can feel it giving up on her. Graziella has won several medals in marathons. She can outrun any drunk in
any day. But today could be an exception. Her body's heavier than usual and her
reflexes aren't just as active as they were before; and worse, she suddenly
gets the feeling that something really bad is about to happen. Heart pounding, Graziella summoned all the energy that she's got and started
to run. The man called after her, saying "You bitch, don't run away from
Papa, come give me a kiss". Graziella almost vomited. She can almost feel
her heart jumping out from her body. "Mam... Mam... I love you..." Graziella uttered, tears running
from her eyes. She touched her growing belly and said "I love you my
baby" and almost stumbled. She was waiting for the sound of a gun, waiting
for her body to take the pain and fall into the ground. Then a cab takes a turn from the corner. Graziella waved frantically, like a
crazy woman. The cab stopped and the driver went out with a surprised face.
Graziella fell into the ground. Her knees gave in. She dare not look back,
afraid that the bullet might hit her face, so she didn't know if the man's
still there. The driver spat an angry curse "Drunk bastard! Run away you
coward!" Graziella heard footsteps and then the driver's voice telling her "Are
you hurt? I'll take you to the hospital..." Graziella looked up and saw an
old man's kind and gentle face. She burst into tears. "I'm ok... I want to
go home", she managed to say between sobs. The cab driver took her arm and
led her to the backseat. "Calm yourself, rest there, you're as white as
ghost", he took a long look at Graziella and felt pity towards her. It
sure is unfair for a pregnant woman to feel such fear. He said, "Want me
to drive you to the Police Precinct?” Graziella looked up, with her disheveled
hair and red eyes, she looked so lost. "I want to go home..." she said softly, almost like a child. The
driver went to his seat and asked her where she lives. "Just 6 blocks from
here, in front of the cathedral." The driver took note of her tired voice
and sped away in the smooth traffic. After less than a minute, he parked in
front of an apartment. "Are you sure you're alright? Sure you don't want to report the incident
to the cops?" he asked Graziella one last time. Graziella looked at her
with a blank expression and shook her head. She started to hand him a couple of
bills but the driver shoo her gently. "No, I'm not taking that, I'm just
glad you're ok, my wife's pregnant too, and she doesn't deserve that cruelty as
well. You take a rest, go ahead." Graziella, feeling suddenly tired, didn't put up a fight. She mumbled a
thank you and went inside the gates. The apartment is still quiet; the other
residents won't wake up until 8:00 AM. As Graziella is walking at the stairs,
she felt her pants getting wet. Her heart skipped a beat. "My baby!"
came a strangled cry from her. Believing that she lost her baby and blood
rushes down her legs, she stifled a gasp; she can feel the walls closing on
her. She touched her belly again "No baby, I'm not losing you..." She looked down and saw that she's not bleeding. She peed in her pants. She
let her fear reduce her into an infant peeing like she can't do anything about
it. She felt so degraded and humiliated. Then she felt nothing. She took her clothes off, washed her body and put on clean clothing like a robot. Her mind is as blank as her face. She's in the state of shock. She lay down her bed and stared at the ceiling. Then she fell asleep. She dreamt of the morning's event. This time however, the man shoot her at the back and ran away with her handbag. Graziella woke up gasping for air. She began to cry again uncontrollably. She thought of her dream. What if she’s really dead? Will her baby die as well? How would her Mama know she’s dead? She’s miles away from her family. Would her Papa cry when he know she’s dead? Would he forgive her for bearing an unwanted baby? "Oh baby, you are going home. I'll talk to your Papa again. He must let you home or he'll lose his family. I can't stand this anymore. You shouldn't be alone in your condition, it's breaking my heart..", her Mama is also crying now. Graziella felt relaxed and soothed with her Mama’s words. She stopped crying. “I love you Mama.. You’re the best mother in the world!” “I won’t be a good Mama without a good daughter, I love you more Gracie.” ~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~ Reading: Bible Stories for Children Listening to: Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis Feeling: indescribable |
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August 6th, 2008
The Other Side of Love POSTED AT 09:02 AM in Reading for substance That’s hate. I think everybody knows that what separates love and hate is but a thin line, as thin as a strand of hair. Meaning, anybody can cross that thin line in a blink of an eye. From love to hate and maybe vice versa. Hmm… that would explain why other people are capable of killing someone they really love when that someone cause them pain; they easily took the other side of love.
This fact has been beautifully portrayed by the characters of Jacqueline Briskin’s The Other Side of Love. The story was actually plotted in the midst of chaos and heartbreaks brought about by World War II. Any reader could ultimately conclude that the title would mean that the characters are torn between the two fighting sides of the war, one being a German, the other a Jew. Yes, that could be true as well. But I’m actually pushing for a much deeper and much evocative meaning here. I’m not much of a Briskin fan, but The Other Side of Love is the 5th book that I’ve read from her collection (I think she’s got more or less a dozen books published). Anyways, I find her books really educational since it dwells in history, specifically the war during the Hitler regime (characters are fictional but the dates and the events are more or less factual) and the stories behind Hollywood glamour and elegance. Her characters are quite smart and witty as well. I like picking up intellectual quotes and phrases from such intellectual books. Going back to the subject at hand, you might say, “Yeah, I know there’s a thin line between love and hate”. But well, it’s not as easy as saying it and thinking you understand it. One has to walk through the maddening line before one understands this concept. It is when one finds herself being pulled strongly on both directions that she can feel herself ripping apart that she can truly grasp the meaning of this. Yup, I’ve been through the other side of love, a couple of times, so I more or less know what I’m talking about. I suggest you don’t venture there… Listening to: Perfect by Simple Plan Feeling: calm |
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August 6th, 2008
Cheers to a Woman's Legacy POSTED AT 09:53 AM in Reading for substance as a favorite post
A true-blooded Yorkshire woman, Barbara grew up as an only child, with her values and principles influenced by her mother who introduced her to the wonders of books at the early age of 4. Thus, at age 12, Barbara can already make her own reviews of all the books of Dickens and the Bronte sisters, her all-time favorite collection. From then on, she never stopped conquering the world of fiction and imagnation by publishing in over 90 countries through 40 languages. She made her mark with various literary awards such as joining Mark Twain, Ernest Hemingway, John Steinback and others in the Writers Hall of Fame in America in 2003 and receiveing the Order of the British Empire from Queen Elizabeth II in 2007. yes, BTB has landed.
Then here are the books that made me love Barbara most, the Emma Harte saga. ~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~ A Woman of Substance A remarkable story of a girl's rise above all that has been looking down at her, it is indeed a beautiful tale of a woman's journey in shedding off the poverty that clothed her youth and completely change her wardrobe with survival and numerous and unimaginable achievements. The story tells of Emma Harte, an iron-willed lass who breathtakingly transforms a small shop into the world's greatest department store -- an international business empire: Harte Enterprises. Beyond all the success however is the personal happiness which eludes her. Without the realization of her one great love, she turned her energy into the realization of her grand dreams. Her business became her heart, her soul, her life. The story draws readers into the mesmerizing life of an extra-ordinary woman who dared to seize a dream and was willing to pay any price to make it come true -- indeed a deeply involving novel which is a celebration of an indomitable spirit. ~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~ Hold the Dream The continuation of Emma Harte's journey as she achieved the peak of success, but this time, she passed on the control of her business to her most beloved grand-daughter Paula McGill Fairly. Paula will have to do all she can to hold Emma's dream while fulfilling her own. enormous greed, devastating betrayal and ruthless enemies will put Paula's resolve to the ultimate test, as she faces life-shattering losses, discovers her one great love, and strives to be all that her grandmother was... and more. ~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~ To Be the Best This novel completes the heart-breaking and the the most celebrated trilogy of Barbara Taylor Bradford. This is the supposed final chapter of an involving saga, the culmination of an excellent literary achievement. This time, Paula McGill O’Neill will show that she learned her grandmother’s lessons well by wielding her power with a masterful and compassionate hand. However, keeping Emma’s visionary dream alive will not step Paula from daring to set out in a bold new direction and that is to create something she can truly call her own. ~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~ Emma's Secret This novel brings back the star of a powerful saga -- Emma Harte to life. Paula runs the business and family with an iron hand and a velvet glove. However, trouble is brewing beneath the cool surface, who should take over the mantle when Paula retires? Then comes in Evan
Hughes, a young American fashion designer, who has come to London to seek out Emma Harte as she'd promised on her grandmother's death bed. Paula, not knowing about Evan Hughes past,
immediately takes to Evan and hires her, and the trouble began..
~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~ Unexpected Blessings
This time, the great-grandaughters of Emma Harte take the limelight as they follow in her legendary footsteps. There's Evan Hughes, Emma's American great-grandaughter, who is still trying to integrate into the powerful Harte family. Then there's Tessa Longden, Paula's firstborn who is willing to lose her place in the business just to protect her daughter Adele. Then there's the traditionalist India Standish, who's determined to cross different classes nad backgrounds for love. And of course, there's Linnet O'Neill, the most brilliant businesswoman of the four great-granddaughters, who is not only natural heir to her mother, Paula but also of her great grandmother Emma. Together, this remarkable women graces this latest dramatic story in the
on-going saga of an extraordinary family dynasty is full of love,
passion and jealousy under unexpected blessings. ~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~ Just Rewards This novel will conclude the extraordinary tale of Emma
Harte, the original Woman of Substance, her grand daughter Paula O'Neill and all the members of the powerful Harte clan. In this novel, Linnet O'Neill, great-granddaughter of Emma Harte battles to save the family business as she's on her path in becoming a woman of great substance like her great grand mother. She and Emma's other
great-granddaughters are tested to the limit in this final chapter that draws the story to a dramatic
close. Ripples within the family were latched on by Jonathan Ainsley, deadly enemy of the Hartes,
in the process, putting them all in danger. This will come to the death of two beloved members of
the Harte family which will ultimately cause grief and heartbreak. But then, the women of substance will surely win their own battles. ~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~oo~~ Hmmm.. Barbara's newest books look intriguing and revealing... I should get my copies of these as well, then I can write something about them here.
Yes! Cheers to a very remarkable woman! Cheers to a woman of substance! Cheers to Barbara Taylor Bradford!
Reading: Unexpected Blessings by Barbara Taylor Bradford Listening to: All I Ask of You from The Phantom of the Opera Feeling: awed |
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August 7th, 2008
Taking care of another woman's baby... POSTED AT 12:57 PM in My Life and what's left of it...
Some define adoption as the act of accepting with approval -- like receiving something or someone with favor; others define it as a legal process creating a parent-child relationship among people unrelated by blood, thus bestowing the adopted child all the rights and the privileges of an adoptive parents' biological child.
In the Philippines, adoption is made legal for children whose biological parents cannot provide for their survival so as they can establish a new and permanent family ties with their adoptive parents. These children are under the protection of the State and therefore are subject to a sufficient adoption-study so that the government will be sure that the process will not endanger the child's growth and development. The government agency assigned to do this critical process is the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD). Those who are contemplating adoption needs to know that there are three types of adoption in the Philippines. One is Agency Adoption wherein licensed adoption agencies search for and develops adoptive parents for children who are committed to the process. The process is primarily from application to finalization of adoption papers under the guidance of DSWD. This type of adoption equally and legally protects the rights of all concern (adopted chil, adoptive parents and the bilogical parents). Another type is Family or Relative Adoption wherein biological parents relinquish their biological rights to a relative or a member of the extended family. This type of adoption are one of those we see on televisions, which can really be dramatic, problematic and nasty because of the absence of legal papers and documents. Another type is Private or Independent Adoption which involves an intermediary in place of authorized agencies. The intermediary is the one who'll find the adoptive parents for the child in question. This type could sometimes be tricky as well because of the illegalities involved. For more information, one can read online resources from Local Adoption FAQ. Whatever type of adoption one will go through however, the effects are somewhat the same. Legal ties between biological parents and the adopted child will be severed and that the adopted child will be deem legitimate by the adoptive parents. Now, I'm not really sure why I'm talking about these things... Maybe the prospect of seeing Cherry again tomorrow made me thought of it, or maybe because I wrote questions yesterday and that the answers may be related to this topic, or I don't know, I may want to do this in the future. I'm not still sure however if I'll be the adoptive parent or the biological parent giving away her child...
Listening to: Perfect by Simple Plan Feeling: melancholy |
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August 7th, 2008
Why? POSTED AT 01:45 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., Writing for sanity's sake as a favorite post
There are so many questions that are better left unanswered, reality bites hard and I may not tolerate the pain. So I'm leaving these questions out, in a place where I know the intended recepient won't be able to read it. I know, I just know, that his answers can take me to my grave... Reading: FAQ on Adoption @ http://www.gov.ph/faqs/adoption.asp Listening to: I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston Feeling: hurt |
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August 9th, 2008
Losing My Religion POSTED AT 02:12 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., That's what you call Music My Yahoo Playlist just played a song from one of the most ill-defined bands to ever hit the mainstream ("not my words there, I don't really know much about the band) -- Losing My Religion which actually won the Grammy in 1991 for Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal. The R.E.M. Band claimed it wasn't a religious or anti-religious song for that matter, but Catholic groups made an issue of the song's music video. I don't really like the song myself, it's just that, when it was played, it made me think about my life. Yes, I'm definitely at my wit's end here, things are that bad. Very very bad things have been happening simultaneously. You know what they say, "When it rains, it pours". Well, it's definitely raining hard at my end and strong winds, fierce thunders and lightings accompany it. No one can 'accuse' me I'm having fun these days. Oh no, I've said too much...I haven't said enough. No, I don't blame God at all in these. He's been there all my life. I grew up in a very religious and tight-knit family. My parents have molded me to become a good person that I should be. I love going to church. I love feeling God's presence in me. I love singing the hymns with my fellow choir members, I love the hymns. I love praying to God, I can talk to Him about anything, anything! I like listening to His words, I inculcated them in my mind and my heart and strived really hard to follow each and every word. Yet, I failed. Yes, I'm losing my religion. I'm seeing all signs, it's almost happening. How I hated myself for letting this happen. God has always been there, guiding me, but I strayed and I'm endangering another soul as well. Not only mine, but also my angel's... poor baby. I admit, I'm tired. I tried so hard, so damn hard to be good. I gave my best. I never wanted to give shame to my parents! I never wanted to be an embarrassment to my family! I never wanted to live a lonely life! I never wanted these, I never asked for these! I just wanted to be happy, simply happy. I just wanted to be with someone who can make me happy. I've long been resigned to the fact that no man can ever make me happy, but I wasn't asking for a man! I just want my happiness... He gave me a gift though, He gave me what I want, but I have to pay for it. My happiness for my religion. But can I be happy without my religion? I've said enough... Reading: Losing My Religion review @ http://www.americanhitnetwork.com/ahn/review-detail.cfm/id/49 Listening to: Losing My Religion by R.E.M. Feeling: tired |
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August 12th, 2008
When it rains, it pours POSTED AT 07:14 AM in My Life and what's left of it... What a frustrating Monday that was! And if one whole day isn’t enough, Tuesday is starting to make me feel so agitated as well and it’s only 11AM! This will be very very long, so I’m not really sure if anybody will read this crap but I’m writing anyway. Well, I was so busy yesterday. I had to finish 6 articles before 12 noon, 5 of which are all about women and should be not less than 200 words, while the other one is about Sociology Theory and should be between 1500-2000 words! Oh boy! As much as I love writing, I hate it when my agent dumps me all these assignments in one sitting and then expects me to finish them all after 4 hours! Who does he think I am? Superwoman? But, well, I wasn’t really “frustrated” about that. I’m ranting but deep inside I know I owe my agent a lot for giving me those assignments. I need all the money I can get these days, all my savings in this part-time writing job goes to my angel’s piggy bank. Anyways, I was able to finish everything on time and I know I can or I won’t commit myself to the assignments. So what really made the day(s) frustrating? It’s the fact that I have 3 very important tasks to finish yesterday and they’re supposed to be scheduled in 3 different days if only fate has been kind to me a few weeks or even days ago. What happened yesterday (and today) was really a case of inter-related incidents. So ok, here it goes. I was supposed to have my fetal anatomy ultrasound a week ago because I am
scheduled for my prenatal yesterday and my This only means one thing right? I have to wait until 3:00 PM yesterday to
get my money for the ultrasound and then maybe if I’ll be lucky at all, I can
still go to my The package contains my certification of last payment of my health insurance. As I leafed through the documents, I remembered making a scene in the Health Insurance Office 2 weeks ago. The reason? Well, I was supposed to enjoy my maternity benefits from my health insurance since I’ve been a contributor since I started working in 2002. And I just found out 2 weeks ago that they will not give me my Maternity benefits unless I’ve paid my monthly contribution nine months before the delivery date! As I was out of job last May and only started working this June, I didn’t have contributions for May and June. That disqualifies me from the Maternity benefits. Shucks! I can’t let that happen! So I begged these people (yep, I begged) so they’ll allow me to backtrack and pay my May-June contributions with this quarter’s contribution. But well, it wasn’t that easy. May-June will “expires a month after the first month of the proceeding quarter (August 1 - 2 weeks ago). It would have been ok, since I was there on July 30 so I said oh well, I still can pay it, right? Then the clerk told me only if I can submit my certification for last payment from my previous company. Argghh! So I have to contact my previous employer which is in another city and make them send me the documents before August 1, which left them less than an hour to do that (it was 3:30 pm) since I still have to contact my sister and have her fetch the document for me and send it to me through LBC so it would reach me Friday morning. But well, life is never easy. It turned out that my previous employer cannot (or will not) produce the documents in an hour and that I may have to wait another week again before I get it. That’s what the HR told me though when I called long distance through my mobile phone and even if I begged and begged for minutes to make the transaction faster. So I went back to the Health Insurance Office and degraded myself again when I begged them to change their rules for me and let me pay on or before the 8th of August. Well, they had conscience so they gave in. Well, surprise! Surprise! The heartless HR people were never able to send me the documents before the 8th for so many stupid excuses that I’d rather not talk about. My sister however got hold of the documents on that day and sent it to me, the reason why I got it yesterday. So I ended up in the Health Insurance Office again last August 8, to do what else? To beg again. I promised them I’ll have the documents by Monday and that I need last chance. They seem to pity a pregnant woman, so they gave me another chance. However, the old lady warned me it would be the last that she’ll bend the rules for me. I was grateful but still felt rotten for letting the old woman cover for me. So yesterday, instead of going directly to the I arrived in the Health Insurance Office @ 3:10 PM. The office was really crowded and I mean crowded! People are standing because there’s no seat available. So I got my priority number from the guard and started filling-up the payment form. When I at last took a glimpse of the number display though, I was a little outbalanced. My number is 73 and they’re still servicing number 22! So, I guess I’ll be standing for hours huh! And maybe miss my ultrasound. But I kept a calm aura and told myself the processors will be fast, I bet I’ll be finish paying by 4:30, yes, talk about positive thinking. So I stood there, and I almost fainted because the AC cannot anymore sustain the crowd. It was hot and other people just smell “bad” I wanted to vomit! But I stood my ground. I’m here, I cannot let this chance escape my hands. I was so happy when the display blazed number 60. I thought, yippee! 12 more to go and it’ll be my turn at last! Well, fate intervene again I think, satisfaction and happiness weren’t just for me because by 4:15, when the display says number 62, one of the processors shouted on the microphone “It’s offline here! How’s everybody doing?” It was followed by groans and sighs by other processors. I can’t f$%#@ believe it! I waited for more than an hour and when I’m almost there, the system decided it wants to go offline? That’s so unfair! People started to crowd the processor 3 window where all payments are settled. They all wanted to know when the system’s gonna be online again. The staff took the phone again and announced they’ll wait for 10 minutes or so, if the system won’t go online again, we’ll have to return tomorrow morning (that means today). I swear I’ll collapse and I don’t even know for which emotion since I’m feeling a mix of rotten emotions at that very moment. I made my way to one of the processors and told him it’s important I get served because I was given a deadline to settle my bills until Monday only. He remembered me I guess because I’ve been a “face” in the building after my “performances”. So he told me he’ll get my papers, stamped it that I’m processed by Monday but payment is pending because of system problems. I’ll just have to return the day after to pay. I was relieved. I didn’t mind the wait and the fact that I’ll return again, as long as they let me pay. I decided then to go to Polymedic and have my ultrasound. But before doing so, I called the hospital from my mobile phone and asked if the laboratory will still be open after 5pm. The woman who answered the phone told me that it’s a hospital, they’re open 24 hours like I’m some dumb 5 year old. Feeling stupid, I asked her one last time, even the ultrasound? And I guess she was kinda irritated with me and told me “24 hours, ok?” Well, that was all I need. So I rushed to the hospital. I went to the cashier and paid 500 pesos for the ultrasound and went upstairs (to another floor) to have my ultrasound. The attendant told me however that they close at 5PM. I’m sure I’m gonna throw a fit! All the rush for nothing? I told her I called and the operator told me all labs are open 24 hours. She then told me all labs except Ultrasound that is. They’re open until 5PM only and it’s 5:02 on the wall clock! She then told me I should have told the operator I meant to have the ultrasound. I told her I did and the stupid operator still told me they’re open 24 hours. I have no choice left. I have to go back on Tuesday (today) then. With a heavy heart, I left the hospital very frustrated, with no ultrasound results and missing my prenatal as well. So this morning, I tried to forget yesterday events so that I can start fresh. But well, the rain doesn’t want to stop; it kept on pouring. I excused myself from work, I asked my superior to let me have an hour away from the office to process my Health Insurance issues. She let me go, so I was feeling a little positive. But then when I arrived there, a “SYSTEM OFFLINE” message is plastered in the window. I approached the man who served me yesterday and I asked him if I can pay now, he told me they don’t know when the system will be back that means they really don’t know when I can pay as well. Sigh… another one of those thunders and lightning! I thanked him and he told me I’ll have to call before I return so that I can be sure that the system’s back. That was kinda late but I thanked him anyway. I left and decided to go have my ultrasound since I still have 45 minutes to kill. But when I get there, 7 patients were already lined up for the process. I’m number 8, and to make matters worse, the doctor who’ll be doing the ultrasound is yet to arrive and we’ll have to wait around 30 minutes for her. Another lightning? Looks like one. So here I am, ranting but trying my best to relax so the baby sleeping inside my tummy won’t be disturbed with my frustrations. I don’t know when these issues would end. There will be a department meeting at 2:30PM and I’m pretty sure it’ll take maybe until 4PM to finish. Too late to go back to the Health Insurance Office, much later to have my ultrasound, which means postponing my prenatal check-up, again! What did I tell you? When it rains, it pours… Listening to: Rainy Days and Mondays by The Carpenters |
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August 13th, 2008
Murder Suicide POSTED AT 09:02 AM in Reading for substance
I always rate an author on his/her first novel. Just as I fell in love with Archer because of "Kane and Abel"; and with Barbara because of "The Woman of Substance", I can't wait to bawl over Keith Ablow as well after I read "The Psychopath". Oh shucks! I love these type of stories (one of my most favorite movies is "The Psycho", starring Vince Vaughn), maybe because I'm a psycho myself? Hahaha! Of course not! It's just that I love the "brain thing" you know, intellect wars, intelligence issues. Maybe that's the only reason I only like one anime' series ever, "Death Note" the only anime that I watched from start to end because of its intellectual wars.
Dr. Ablow really blew my mind! I like Murder Suicide and I'm pretty sure I'll like The Psycopath (I hope). Murder Suicide is one of his six bestselling crime novels which feature a Forensic Psychiatrist (Frank Clevenger) who can solve murder cases through the "brain" factor. So here's a glimpse of what to expect of Murder Suicide: Inventor John Snow used to possessed wealth, fame, and genius, with these however is an illness that's been haunting him for years: epilepsy. Then he decided to undergo an experimental neurosurgery to become the "perfect" man that he aspired to be. However, an hour before his scheduled operation, he was found dead outside the very hospital where he's about to undergo the operation. Was it murder? Was it suicide? Was it because many people wanted him dead? Or is it because he wanted himself dead as well? These are the questions that Forensic Psychiatrist Frank Clevenger is hoping to answer as he ventured into nasty secrets, of a man's complicated past and tortured relationships. Who did it? The unforgiving wife who can never pardon Snow's abandonment of his family and his marriage? The son
who craved his love yet never had it? The beautiful mistress who worships the ground he walks yet cannot have him completely? The business partner who wants to take over his business? The surgeon who feared that the operation will put his profession in jeopardy? Or John Snow himself who decided it's best to end everything with a single bullet?
Read how Dr. Keith Ablow and Dr. Frank Clevenger ventured into a dead man's dark past to unearth the elusive truth in this page-turning mystery of passion and betrayal. You can't outdistance your past. The truth always wins. And you
can be a far more powerful person the moment you embrace it. ---- A Message from Dr. Keith Ablow
Reading: Living the Truth @ www.livingthetruth.com Listening to: Ode To My Family by the Cranberries Feeling: pensive |
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No, I'm not thinking of committing either, LOL. It's actually the title of the novel that I finished last night, a book written by "
Anyways, going back to Dr. Ablow, he reminded me so much of Thomas Harris you know, not the looks, LOL! The way he writes, he really crawls into a person's brain. Well, he's a Psychiatrist, it's expected of him. It's really creepy you see (if you remember "The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris which features Hannibal Lecter) to be poking into somebody's thoughts (uhmm, not literally 'poking' as what Hannibal did though). Well, just the idea that one can interpret one's actions (the past, the present and the future), one's emotions, one's dreams, one's visions, even one's death, through his thinking is definitely something!August 13th, 2008
Priorities POSTED AT 03:19 PM in My Life and what's left of it...
My Mama and Papa always has the church and the whole family as their top priority, Then I got myself into boy-girl and man-woman relatonships, I found out, I cannot be my ex-boyfriends' top priority as well, they have their family in focus, some of them even prioritize their friends than me. So that's another closed door When I got married, I told myself, at last, I can be someone's top priority! Oh well, the 3rd time is really a charm, I found out too soon. My ex-husband put his parents, then his sisters, then himself on the top 3 spots of his priority list. I should have seen that coming Well, living alone right now, I realized where the fault lies. It's in me Growing up, I have been accustomed to prioritize other people. I don't know, I always feel sheer bliss whenever I make someone happy or make someone satisfied about life, even in expense of my own happiness or satisfaction So there's Mama, she's always been my number one. Everything I did, my plans, my decisions, I always consulted Mama, I prioritized her thoughts because I believe she knows the best for me. Then there's Papa, he's the head of the family, he takes care of us, really, so he's also a top priority. Then there are my sisters, then my best friends, then my studies, my ex-boyfriend and so on... When I got married, I gave my marriage the top spot. My Mama came second. I didn't love my husband; but as I grew up hoping and dreaming to have my own family one day, a big happy family, I tried to prioritize the marriage. I failed on that. It seems I don't have my Mama's strength or it's just what fate can offer to me. So now, I'm back to square 1, giving my Mama the top spot again and sorry that I ever took it away from her. I've added another priorities though: MY ANGEL I'm determine to strive hard for it. I don't want MY ANGEL
Listening to: What's Up by 4 Non Blondes Feeling: determined |
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How does it feel to be someone's top priority? 
August 14th, 2008
Lovemap and loving someone we haven't met yet POSTED AT 09:02 AM in My Life and what's left of it..., That's what you call Music Nope, I'm not into another man-woman relationship right now, I have other priorities in life. It's just that, I'm listening to a love song right now, from one of my fave band, Savage Garden. You know, one of their popular song, I Knew I Love You Before I Met You. To be honest, when I first heard the song, I laughed out loud. I mean it was just absurd to love someone you haven't even met yet. But still, since it is Savage Garden's song and the rhythm is cool, I kinda sing along sometimes. I can't help replacing some lines though when I get sarcastic, hehehe. Like I sometimes sing "I knew I love you before but now no more..." LOL! What? It fits! Anyway, going back to the song, as I listened to it, I suddenly remember something I read in Keith Ablow's book entitled Murder Suicide. The book talks of a lovemap. Well, lovemap is actually a concept originated and popularized by John Money in order to explain why people find this particular person attractive and that why they like what they like sexuoerotically. John Money implied that each of us has this template in our mind, a representation of someone that we think of as an ideal lover; not only the image actually, but also the activities that we want to have with that "lover". Hmmmm... sounds interesting, but somehow vague as well. Anyway, according to Keith Ablow's book, John Money came up with this theory after a "successful" experiment. As written in Keith Ablow's book, John Money went out and interviewed young boys and girls. He showed them pictures and them let them pick one that they thought appealing to them, someone they really like or maybe they wanna have as a boyfriend or a girlfriend. John Money then recorded their answers and then followed-up on them after 30 years. He tracked down his interviewees and found out that each of them married someone who have the same facial features with the one they chose 30 years ago. There are some who never married and told him they never found their match yet. Thus, the theory came public. Hmmm... I'm still not sold out with the thought that we're born with a lovemap. Though I'm not closing my mind on it. You see, my ex-boyfriends have nothing in common, especially on the physical part. I can see some signs of a lovemap being true in my life though. As I go back to my past, I realized I'm still looking for that someone... I admit I can't put a picture of him in my mind but I'm sure, someone's out there... or could have I missed him? Shucks! Stupid me!
Listening to: I Knew I Love You Before I Met You by Savage Garden Feeling: amused |
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August 14th, 2008
The Next Time... POSTED AT 12:48 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., Writing for sanity's sake I'm supposedly busy with work. I'm sitting here, in front of my monitor, struggling with all the social media links that I have to evaluate before my shift ends at 3:00 o'clock in the afternoon. Then I got distracted with the music that's playing in my Yahoo Playlist. I had to stop reading the posts that I'm evaluating and listen to the song. Peter Cetera is really a good performer but it's not his voice I'm after this time, it's the message of his song. The Next Time I Fall... Will there ever be a next time for me? Have I grown so sad, so mad, so cynical about love that I've made the final step of closing my heart to a man? To any man? Or maybe I'm still hopeful? Maybe deep inside of me I still nurse this deep need to be in love again? I'm not really sure. I am certain however that the song made me type these words again, my mind is just overflowing with thoughts, I have to write them down. I'm not really proud of what I've written but I am willing to share it to everybody.
Listening to: The Next Time I Fall by Peter Cetera Feeling: hopeful |
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August 18th, 2008
CosPlaying with the Sticky Guys and Gals POSTED AT 03:00 PM in My Life and what's left of it... I never really expected to have fun during the company's General Meeting since I've been gloomy these days and yes, I cannot participate with the cosplay because my belly's showing. Besides, it's difficult to find a gorgeous character to go as when you're 5 months preggy. Anyways, since I was tasked to be the co-emcee of Ryla, I strived hard to made everything fun, just like the way I always do when I used to teach in college. You see, when you face people, you must learn to hide your problems because you owe it to your students to keep a lively class... I actually planned to go as Rinoa Heartily (Final Fantasy), my attire was ready a week ago. But then, when I tried it 2 nights before the actual event, the skirt shrunk! Hahaha! Ok, I've grown errr... bigger again and it won't fit me. Shucks! Surprise! Surprise! What do I expect? So I have no choice left but to copy Rinoa's hair (that explains the bangs, darn!) and boots as planned but dress up in a completely different attire. So much for trying to cooperate in the cosplay! So, we actually have fun, especially with all the costumes and picture taking, and more! Here are some of the snapshots: (See more on my flickr)
Listening to: If It Makes You Happy by Sheryl Crow Feeling: amused |
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August 18th, 2008
Bad Day? Ask me! POSTED AT 03:14 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., That's what you call Music Yeah, whoever owns that playlist really knows I'm having it. Playing that song made it more apparent. Sigh! I'm not used to having Monday blues, I'm not affected with such "illness", well, that was I thought. Then today happened! Where is the moment we needed the most You stand in the line just to hit a new low Yeah, where? Shucks, I'm having such a bad day when I was looking forward to this day. Do you know how hard it was to survive Sundays alone and lonely? It's really really hard. I was thankful I survived another Sunday and I was so happy when I woke up this morning because I'll be with people again, I'll be with work again, I'll be with my blog again. And then this happened... 6:50AM - Logged-in for work So here I am, shucks! What a frustrating day! By the way, thanks to whoever is playing that song... Listening to: Bad Day Song by Daniel Powter Feeling: calm |
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August 18th, 2008
I Survived The Night POSTED AT 04:19 PM I went to the mall yesterday just to get out of my lonely and suffocating room and to have dinner as well. When I entered the mall, people are gathered towards the middle and I realized yesterday was the SM Pop Music Festival. Weeks ago, I have been wanting so much to join the contest. I wanna submit my composition you know. Yup, I wrote a song, for the man whom I really love and broke my heart. It was a song about moving on and having a grip on life. But then I realized I cannot submit my piece because there's got to be music with it and I can't play any instrument. I felt sad about it, I wanted to join so much and even sing the piece during the presentation. So yesterday, I was there and I thought, "Shucks, those words don't even come close to mine". No, I don't mean to belittle those contestants and I'm sure aI wasn't bitter that a wasn't able to join, I just got so disappointed that after listening to 5 songs, I realized nothing is good enough. No song has been good enough for me, not rhythm and especially not the lyrics... I was expecting that something goo will turn out, I love songs, I love listening to them, but those entries really had me disappointed.... Anyways, I'm sharing my piece here, I know it's not that good as well, but maybe with the right music and the right emotions in singing the song... maybe... just maybe... 1
Listening to: Changes in My Life by Jed Madela Feeling: contemplative |
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August 19th, 2008
Nicholas' First Book POSTED AT 12:03 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., My Little Nicholas
I bought it for him on July 25, 2008 in National Bookstore for quite a price but well, nothing's gonna stop me from buying it for my baby. Since then, every night, I read a story or two to my little angel. I'm pretty sure he likes what he hears because he keeps on moving and wiggling his tiny legs like an excited baby waiting for his milk. Yes, I'm a wide reader and I love reading as much as I love writing and singing. Reading is just one of my hobbies that I like to share with my little bundle of joy. I'm pretty sure he will like to write and sing as well when he grows up but, we really cannot tell. All I am sure for now is whatever my little Nicholas wants, as long as it'll do him good, I'll support him all the way.
This is about my little Nicholas and his first book Listening to: Someone's Waiting For You By Lea Salonga Feeling: excited |
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August 19th, 2008
Nicholas' First Savings POSTED AT 02:13 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., My Little Nicholas
I bought him his very first coin bank last June 11, 2008. I was thinking "why shouldn't my baby learn the value of money at this early stage of life?", I know it sounded crazy considering the fact that he's still "on the hiding" inside my tummy and that the truth is I'm still the one putting all the coins inside the coin bank.
I am positive that he's listening to my every word and that he understands the sense of them. I just hope he'll grow up wise and and wealthy, not just with material things in this world but especially with all that are invincible... things that matter most. Well, I guess this has been another Little Nicholas post Listening to: Someone's Waiting For You By Lea Salonga Feeling: amused |
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August 19th, 2008
My Best Friend's Poem POSTED AT 03:18 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., Writing for sanity's sake I have a best friend. I guess everybody has one or two. Well, she's been my friend for about 15 years (way back in high school, that is). I admit she's a different person. Unique, yes, she's unique, rare. I don't expect everybody to understand her and I don't really care if they wouldn't try at all. I do understand her and that's more than enough for me. I remember those times when my college friends met her and then asked me afterwards if she really is my friend. I smiled and teased them, asking them "Why? You think we're lovers?" LOL! They laughed as well. Then they told me that we seem to be very different, really different from each other, it isn't seem "normal" and "right" to see me with her. They've been asking me questions like "Do you really get along?" or "Does she treat you nice?" or "How is she as a friend?" I told them over and over... "Guys, guys, she's my friend and we do understand each other and I love her, now let's drop it". Then they'll stop asking until they see her again and the questions come back again, in different varieties each time. I'm actually accustomed to those questions. Way back in high school, my choir peers would ask me jokingly, "Is your friend talking to you at all?" I'll jokingly retort "Only when she's in the mood" and then they'll laugh. But one really disagrees with the friendship. She told me my friend is a snob and that she thinks of herself highly, very superior. I gently told her it isn't the case, my friend's just shy and afraid of rejection that's why she doesn't talk much, but she's nice, really nice. I even had an ex-boyfriend who really hates her and it's really strange because they haven't met yet and he never actually know her or saw her in flesh, he just took a look at our picture together and then he judged her right there and then, telling me that she isn't a good friend and that I should drop her like a hot potato. It wasn't fair, I dropped him instead. Don't get me wrong, I'm not painting a picture of a perfect frindship here. The friendship has got flaws as well. There are times that I felt bad about our friendship. I admit we've been through a lot of heartaches and pains. I must admit I got so hurt everytime she chooses someone else over me or she prefers to be with another friend when I can accompany her. I admit I got so devastated during those times when she shook off my pains, look past my feelings, even abandon me as if she didn't care. I admit, I got mad sometimes, when she do those crazy things that made me think I'm mad to stay friendly to her. But everytime I think of my friend's poem, I realize she's worth all the pain. My best friend made a poem for me during our high school days. Actually, she made two poems, the other one is about me and my first love; but what I am sharing to you today is the poem she actually wrote for me, just for me. The poem she wrote for me is really special. Though she might see it as crappy or unimaginative, see her work as nothing good at all, I've become her fan after writing that poem for me. She's got a way with words. She knows how to write and she knows it well! I've memorized the poem the day she gave it to me and until now, it's deeply inculcated in my heart, reminding me that someone knows the real me and that someone loves the good and bad in me... So here it goes...
ore
than anything in this world,
ll
the happiness you bring,
ou’re
a precious gift from above,
Thanks for the poem... and thanks for being such a good friend in your own special way... You're a real great person Mandy to me and Marivi Baterna Palermo Childers to the world... Feeling: grateful |
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August 20th, 2008
Yey! It's Mama's Birthday tomorrow! POSTED AT 09:58 AM in My Life and what's left of it... Sigh! Where did the days go? Time flies so fast! I want at least a week back... Please.... I'm really happy it's Mama's birthday tomorrow, I'm always thankful of her birth you know, she's such a beautiful person, her birthday should be celebrated! But I was
thinking my Mom's birthday isn't until next week. Dang! Then I realized tomorrow is
the 21st of August! Oh gosh! What to do? What to do? Shucks! I know, I sound stupid. Sorry, I'm in a sort of panic. You see, I haven't
seen my Mom for months now. We haven't been together physically. We only talk over the phone and I really miss her.
Now I'll be missing her birthday as well because I cannot go
home. (I have reasons and I guess it's already clear with my posts...)
Anyways, I was planning to send her a gift, of which my meager salary would allow me. I'm actually making a digital photo mosaic of her. I'll be printing it on an 8R size photo paper. Then I just finished a poem for her last night and I'm gonna print it on an 8R photo paper as well. Then I'm gonna put both in a frame and mail it to her. Gosh! It'll definitely cost
me. But well, the cost is nothing compared to the wonders of my Mama's love. I would have wanted to give her something more though, but I ran out of ideas! I cannot give Mama clothes, she's got lots of them,
some even aren't worn yet. I can't give her home appliances as well, her home
is furnished I guess, I don't know what to do... I'm lost! Got ideas? Oh well, she'll be 47 tomorrow. She's very pretty (of course!), she's already got 4 grandchildren, mine will be her 5th, she's a very practical person and I love her very very much! Looks like I'll lost my nails biting them, I'm still in a state of panic! But well, cheers to the best Mama in the world! Advance Happy Birthday! P.S.Today is Mhaie-Mhaie's birthday as well. Just wanna greet a wonderful friend who's now happy with her hubby and 2 cute boys in Bremerton, Washington USA. I wish you all the best IC (Ice Cream or ImeeVi Cabahug, whatever suits your taste, hehehe). Listening to: You're The Inspiration by Chicago Feeling: excited |
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August 21st, 2008
Happy Birthday Mama! POSTED AT 11:02 AM in My Life and what's left of it..., Writing for sanity's sake I finished Mama's poem but I wasn't able to do the photo mosaic I called Mama this morning to greet her. I'm so happy Oh here's my poem to Mama, I wanna share it to you, I hope she'll be happy
You are my Mama
You are my writings... You are my readings... You are my hobbies... You are my passion... You are my everything, you are the sweetest thing.
Reading: First Among Equals by Jeffrey Archer Listening to: Beautiful in My Eyes by Jericho Rosales Feeling: happy |
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(the software I had was downloaded for free and it doesn't have the features I needed to make my Mom's mosaic). So I guess I'll just have to send the poem to her. Oh well, I emailed the poem to my sister yesterday and she'll be printing it for me so she can give it to Mama along with the gifts that they prepared for them.
August 22nd, 2008
I'm so happy today! POSTED AT 10:22 AM in My Life and what's left of it...
I know the reason why though. Gosh, I just can't wipe away the smile from my face, I'm sure I look really silly! Good that I'm facing the monitor and none of my officemates can see my face! I'm happy not only because Mama's really happy with her birthday yesterday, but also because a very important reason. Trivial may be the other reasons that branched out from this main reason but I don't know, I just feel so good! Finally, after weeks of praying and hoping to feel happy again, God answered my prayers! Yes, there was that time when I posted something about losing my religion and yes it was true. It's because I can no longer feel God in me, He's left me alone. But last night, I cried with overwhelming joy in my heart. I attended the worship service and even upon sitting, I can feel God's presence already. When I prayed, I can feel little Nicholas moving like he also wants to say something to God and it made praying more delightful as well. I felt God in every word that my mind uttered and I thought I'd go crazy with delight! I'm just so happy to have Him back in my life again and even in my little Nicholas' life. I sang with all my heart when the choir sang those beautiful hymns. But what struck me is that, before coming in to the church, I was humming one hymn and I'm sort of singing the hymn on my mind over and over for the whole 40 minutes of travel from my boarding house to the chapel. After the 4th hymn, I can't believe my ears when the organist played the introduction of the hymn that has been playing in my mind, and when the choir members and the hundreds of brethren started singing together, I wasn't able to stop myself from crying. Shucks! I love that hymn, it is one of my favorite hymns when I joined the choir. It's definitely God's sign that He has forgiven me and that He's happy I'm back and wouldn't let Him go away from my life again... It was raining when the worship service ended. I didn't bring an umbrella because I was thinking it wouldn't rain. But it never really ruined my good mood. You see, it always rain during those significant days of my life. It was raining when I got married, raining when I got separated, raining when I committed all those useless suicides, raining when I found out I'm about to become a Mommy, raining when I felt so down and thought God has left me and then it's raining when God scooped me back and embraced me with His profound love again. When I got home, I'm walking in clouds, and I still am, when I woke up this morning. I hope this feeling will stay... Listening to: Love of a Lifetime by Firehouse Feeling: jubilant |
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August 23rd, 2008
A Mother's Responsibility... POSTED AT 10:10 AM in My Life and what's left of it... The Mother: How dare them do that to my kids? They aren't eating because they're not feeding them! To hell with them all! The Mother-To-Be: Uhhmmm... that was your Mom on the phone? The Mother: That's my mother-in-law, that old hag! The Mother-To-Be: Uh-uh.... (resumes typing, doesn't want to give a comment) The Mother: What a b!tch! Who gave her the right to tell me that I'm not doing anything about my kids' condition? What about their son? What has he done to his family? I'm working for my kids! Damn! The Mother-To-Be: Oh, so you left your kids to your mother-in-law's care? The Mother: Care? They don't care! God! I'm working! I can't afford a babysitter with my meager salary and I left my kids to them because I don't have my own Mama anymore, I was hoping they'll take care of my kids! The Mother-To-Be: Why? Aren't they doing just that? The Mother: They called to tell me my kids won't eat and they're having a hard time disciplining my kids and that i should go home and take care of them myself! The Mother-To-Be: So, are you going home? The Mother: What? And left my job? I can't do that! They should take care of my kids! The Mother-To-Be: But that's just that right? They're your kids not theirs... The Mother: Well, the kids are their grandchildren. They should at least do that for me since their son left us and went away with his mistress! The Mother-To-Be: Uhmmm... The Mother: I'm so tired of this! I wanted so much to leave everybody and hook-up with someone else and have fun with my life! The Mother-To-Be: What about your kids? The Mother: I don't wanna think about them anymore. For once, I wanna think of myself. The Mother-To-Be: I see... The Mother: I hate this life!
I don't really want to judge others, but well, the conversation just made me think bad of other people. I mean, in the fist place, they're her kids, right? So she shouldn't be mad to other people if they aren't really taking good care of her children because she's supposed to do that herself. I know she's working, she's doing it not only for the kids but also for herself and her in-laws are taking care of her children in her absence, she should at least be thankful for that, right? I mean, it isn't the in-laws' fault that her husband went away, or that they're so old now to take care of two naughty boys... Sigh! This situation makes me think of my Mama... You see, I didn't think it was fair for her to be burdened by my sisters' own babies. I know my Mama is happy taking care of her grandchildren, but well, age is getting at her too and she's also working and really tired at that! And now, having a baby of my own, I was getting worried that I'll be burdening Mama as well... Would I be a responsible mother? Am I ready? Can I take good care of my little Nicholas? I'm having this frantic thoughts, I seem to be in a panic! Can I really do this? It seems easy to say it, "I'm a mother and I can take care of my kids", but isn't it easier said than done? Will my little Nicholas thank me someday for being a good mother just as I'm always grateful that my Mama's the best Mom in the world? Or would I come to the part of "neglecting" him because I wanna think of myself as well? So many questions, I wish I have all the answers. I know though that my little Nicholas will complete my life and I'll do everything to give him a good life, he deserves it after his Papa ditched him just like that. I just wish I can make little Nicholas happy... I hope I'll be a responsible mother.
Listening to: Every Breath You Take by The Police Feeling: hopeful |
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August 27th, 2008
That was it? Oh, I expected something more.... POSTED AT 08:19 AM Again, this post doesn't mean to belittle our local talents. I think they're really good to have made it to the finals and be able to perform in front of the crowd with their own compositions (both music and lyrics). But after sitting there for more than an hour, listening to and watching those contenders perform at their best, I was somewhat dissatisfied and I said to myself, "That was it?" I mean, no more entries? It's finished? No way! I was imagining myself as one of the judges and I definitely didn't found a winner yet! I expected something more... But oh well, I was brought back to the real world when the host finally announced the winner and yes, I kinda expected the "duet" to win alright. Ok, if you're kinda lost, I'm talking about the First SM Pop Music Festival which culminated yesterday for its Grand Finals and Awarding of Winners. I hinted about this event on my post I Survived The Night about a week ago. Anyways, I think it was a cool idea (in fact, I think it was great!) to showcase homegrown talents in this song writing competition. I don't think however that many people are as anthusiastic as I am about it, judging the number of people who witnessed the final showdown yeaterday. Yup, so many empty seats and to think that certain area in SM is really small. Going back to the competition, I was rather disappointed about some of the entries. I mean, those were fine, maybe if they've entered "Muziklaban" or "Oktoberfest" or any other rock music festival, but well, this is Pop Music, they can play whatever genre they want as long as the general public likes hearing it. But out of the 10 finalists, I think there's about 7 rock/alternative music competing, making the "lovesong" (soul, R&B, especially that duet) stand out from among them. Shucks! My composition can do better than that! And yes, my bandmates (Kindred Soul) can certainly create a beautiful rhythm for my words. I'm really upset that I missed the event! Well, there's always next year, maybe I can be prepared for that.. Sigh! Well, a big congratulations to the winner and all the other finalists, I hope to see you out there, sometime soon, and show the world that you can make it. Don't waste those God-given talents! Listening to: Touch My Body by Mariah Carey Feeling: disappointed |
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August 27th, 2008
Writing, writing, writing.... POSTED AT 11:18 AM I always love to write.
Though I graduated in a course wherein numbers seem to win over letters,
I still see myself as a frustrated literary buff than a techie person that I
should be. I've been writing
stuff on my notes since high school and I'm not talking about the lessons that
Ma'am and Sir wanted to see on my notes. I'm talking about rather silly stuffs
like doodles, anagrams, some childish poems, unfinished stories, and more. I
know I should have pursued an education and a career in literature but
well, I strayed a little and made my entry to the "scary" yet
animated world of engineering. No regrets there, I love numbers as well and I
definitely dig problem solving until my brain scream "stop!" But
well, to set the priorities in order, it is musical notes first, words second
and numbers third. So here I am, done with
my task for today and writing again. I seem can't put a stop at it. I admit I
just started this blog 2 months ago. What does it prove? I wasn't really into
publishing my thoughts for the world to see... But that was before. Now, I
think I'm ready; thus, this blog. A pity though that this is a free blog since
I have no "budget" yet for my own domain, (but gee, thanks for tabulas.com for making this publishing possible) but I will come to that... Time will tell. You see I've been
posting discussions in mylot.com.
I think I have about 480 discussions there and yes, the truth is, I was
able to earn about $20 for those 480 posts. However, without the earning
part, I still enjoy the mylot community, got so many friends there. I also joined linkreferral.com and it was fun because I get to browse through a huge database of blogs and
then review them. I must let you know that I’ve found so many great blogs in
linkreferral.com and yup, it kinda’ pushed my “popularity” rating a bit. Then it wasn’t
enough, I also joined writers-network.com and wow! How I love being there! People are just so nice in commenting on your
literary work! They also give sound advice as well. Plus, you get to read and
comment on other’s literary works as well. It’s a nice site actually
since I love poems and short stories and all those literary stuff. I admit I haven’t been
earning much in associatedcontent.com but I like publishing my articles there as well. I publish kinda’ serious and
academic stuff in Associated Content contrary to what I post here in my blog or
the literary stuff that you can see in my writers-network portal. Those
articles are 100% original, all came from my brain, though I could never deny
the fact that I have references. I have published 13 articles so far but don’t
look now! I am determined to make my 50 articles this year, so brace
yourselves! I also took a time in
joining those sites that will help me meet online friends and boost my blog
popularity a little. So I joined perfspot.com, zimbio.com and most recently, technorati.com.
(Click here to see my Technorati Profile.)
Well, I am working for an SEO company (blogtoprofit.com) and let me tell you
that I read about 80-100 blog posts a day, I have to evaluate them and make
sure they make our clients happy with our posts. During my evaluation, I get to
see that most of our bloggers prescribed to technorati’s services. I mean, the
site should be good since it is way popular and it seem to publish blog content
from good quality blogs. So I said, “why not?” Surely I can publish my work
there too, right? So, I joined technorati.com as well, and I’m sure I won’t be
sorry for doing so… Enough about my online activities; it’s almost break-time and the frustrated writer has got to eat too. Be right back… Feeling: busy |
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August 27th, 2008
Shucks! I miss my band! POSTED AT 12:26 PM
The band was young still and it was actually on the verge of disbandment when I went away. The trouble was due to some fractions and some loyalty issues that we seem cannot put a stop to. And we thought we were immune to such issues. I realized we were much too hopeful then... However before those "uncertainties", I had a great time with the band, really. Those moments when I performed with them on stage, in front of many people, clapping, whistling, dancing to the music, even shouting encouragement and praises were just moments of glory! We had a great time really, we performed in various resto-bars, even in hotels and we were somewhat "popular" during the San Miguel Beer Festival where we perform in front of almost 500 people. Many "managers" were trying to "handle" the band and some bands were even asking us to play in session with their bands. I mean, we were that "known" in the industry. People in and out the music industry acknowledged our talents and skills, our passion for music, our professionalism... I even wrote the profile for the band so as to help us with our advertisements and promotions. Well, it goes like this: KINDRED SOUL Soothing, moving, warming, touching your very core… soulful music at its fines, this is that bond that hold the band members together; and this is the formula that will make listeners asking for more… The band, with its new set of members, was formed at the onset of 2008. Prior to forming the band, Dhon2x (Keyboardist), Macky (Bassist), Cot (Drummer) and Mark (Vocals), have been performing in sessions with other bands either together or individually. It was Dhon2x’s idea to formally form the band and launch it on-stage with a new packaging, a new (with old) set of members, a new name, and a fresh and deep dedication and commitment to perform at its best under the name Kindred Soul. With a truly versatile genre (a promise that they can play everything, from Jazz, Soul, Disco, R&B, Classics, Pop, Alternative and current Dance Music hits), the band is ready to take on the challenge of sharing its passion for music and you surely don’t want to miss that. Shucks! So much for hopes and ambitions. So much for words and promises. Those are beautiful words, I must admit to myself that (modesty aside). But I was so inspired during those days, I was thinking we'll make it big and that we'll never fall apart. I admit it all started when one member has grown weary of the "slow" climb and wanted to take the faster route by taking up the offer of a more known and much bigger band. We cannot blame him for wnating that, but we weren't really expecting him to "betray" our trust. I was so disappointed. When things started to fell apart, I had to go away then... But I must admit I wanted the band to be back there, I wanna be back there, with them, with my bandmates, back to those wonderful moments, back to those glorious days, back to those times when we were the Kindred Soul Band, young, hopeful, passionate and willing to go past all the barriers just to share our talents to the world. Sigh.. those were the days. I miss those days.. I miss my band... Listening to: Cherish (Live @ 19th East) by Freestyle Feeling: lonely |
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August 29th, 2008
I think I need to change my face to change my life... POSTED AT 10:36 AM in My Life and what's left of it... Ok, this isn't actually a vanity issue. I know I wanted to look good all the
time, but I think it's normal; I'm not vain, I just want to feel good by
looking good... Promise! I know I'm not beautiful in the truest sense of the word, though my mother seems to think I’m a very beautiful woman (that’s the spirit Ma! Hahaha!). The title however calls for something more than just vanity, yep! It goes beyond physical aesthetic issues. I have been thinking of changing my overall physical appearance; not because I’m not contented of how I look (which can be true sometimes especially with all the pimples and the blemishes which seem to like my face so much), but because I wanted to create a new me. I wanted to be someone else. I want to completely leave the past behind, by changing everything that will remind people of everything about me; that includes my face of course. (Oh God! Why did you curse me with this beauty? LOL!) Yeah, I know plastic surgery costs, a lot. I just get by my salary you know. It’s enough to buy me my needs, not my wants though. Shucks! If I just have the funds, I’m just about ready to go under the knife. I’m considering doing it abroad you know. I guess it’s more reliable there or that maybe I can get better results outside this county. I’m thinking of having the popular San Diego plastic surgery or having it in other foreign locations, as long as the surgery specialists are trusted and could be the most rewarding choice. I guess, more or less, you know my life story (if you’ve been a reader of this blog, yep, if you have much time to waste, hehehe!). That’s why I am pretty sure you understand why I want to have a completely new look with a completely new name too of course. It goes without saying that life hasn’t been good for me and I am looking forward to a new life… With a new face, who knows? Listening to: Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis Feeling: blah |
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August 29th, 2008
Getting Old... POSTED AT 10:39 AM in My Life and what's left of it... I had a fight with my landlady, and now I'm getting a cold shoulder treatment from her. I guess she’s about my Grandpa’s age. Yep, she’s old, which makes me feel like a very bad person for getting into a fight with her. But what happened, happened not because I am a bad person (I know I can be sometimes) or that I don’t have respect to the elders (which would be a lie since I am very scrupulous especially to seniors), but because I have to defend the most important woman in my life – my Mama. Yup, the fight was about my Mama, I guess I made it clear from the very start that I would die and kill for my Mama if the situation arises. Well, I need not to kill the old lady, thank God for that. Her painful remark about my Mama not being a responsible mother for letting me live the life that I live right now when I needed her the most I guess doesn’t mean I have to rob her of her remaining days in this world. I just gave an equally sharp reply and walk out on her; which made me look bad since not everybody in the cafeteria heard her remark but obviously everybody heard mine and also she’s really old too. Argh! Me and my reputation! As if I have a good one. I wasn’t expecting her however to be very proud and unforgiving. I mean, she should be apologetic as well because she hurt my feelings but I never asked her of that. Instead, I talked to her and smiled at her, to no avail. She ignored me and refuses to talk to me. Everytime she sees me, she has this grumpy look, the lines on her forehead more distinctive as if she badly needed a New York, NY Forehead Lifts. Yes, she looks so crumpled and older; the lines on her face are more visible everyday. I kept on forgetting she’s mad at me and I always give her a smile which she doesn’t return. I even almost came to telling her a joke one day (when I got home from work), when I saw her face, I wanted to say, “Why so serious? You may need a forehead facelift with that one.” But of course, I didn’t, her looks could kill. I was thinking old age comes with wisdom you know, that when one goes old, his/her views in life matures as well, no more childish thoughts or actions. I guess I was wrong. I thought all oldies are like my Grandpa, who seems to be very sensible to others, very open-minded, understanding and forgiving. Again, I was proven wrong. I’m not afraid of getting old. That’s bound to happen and it’s actually a choice between getting old or dying young, I’m taking the former. But I do want to age with grace and wisdom. Too bad about my old landlady, I guess she just have to live with seeing me everyday, whether she likes it or not. Listening to: Here Without You by 3 Doors Down Feeling: indescribable |
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August 29th, 2008
These changes in my physique... POSTED AT 10:41 AM in My Life and what's left of it..., My Little Nicholas I am entering my 6th month and my physical changes have been very apparent. Not only that my belly tells my people of my current condition, even my skin is changing (so bad), it doesn’t give the same smooth and lustrous feel as it was before. I disliked it so much. And my hair! I used to say, no one should grow her hair long if it’s really unmanageable and dry, it should stay just below the ear. Well, I’m eating my own words now, my hair seems so dry even with all the conditioner I put on it and I just refuse to cut it! Sigh… These changes in my physical appearance are really getting on my nerves. On thing, one change that I didn’t mind though is the fact that my mammary glands are so friendly nowadays and my breasts appear larger and fuller. Yes. As expected of women expecting an angel like me, my bosom looks really heavy and uhhmmm.. somewhat, appealing, hehehe. I guess this is one of the perks of graviditas, eh? There are women however, pregnant or not, who seems to dislike this change
in them, telling people that it gets really heavy and really bad to look at. I
guess Claudine Barretto had breast reduction when her bosom gets so heavy for
her to take (that was after giving birth to her little angel). Beautiful and
alluring Joyce Jimenez got one as well, though she wasn’t pregnant, she’s just
got bosom overdose. I’m not really sure if she had breast reduction in
Houston, Texas or in Shucks! I have nothing against these changes in my physique, for this means
having a beautiful angel less than 4 months from now. But if I do have a choice
of not having these changes in me, (except of course for the bosom transition,
hehehe), I would like that very much, thank you. But this isn’t for me to
decide, no amount of fruits and veggies can stop these changes from happening.
I only hope all these will go away when I welcome little Nicholas in this world…
Listening to: Touch My Body by Mariah Carey Feeling: bouncy |
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August 29th, 2008
My New Hair-Do POSTED AT 10:42 AM in My Life and what's left of it... Remember my post about the Costume Play that we had in this company? Oh well, I’m sure I mentioned about having my hair cut so I would look like Rinoa Heartily of Final Fantasy (not that I can really look like her, she’s just too pretty). The thing is, I only had that haircut because of the Costume Play, I found out however that I’m starting to like my new do. I can also say that others like my crowning glory since they seem to think I looked younger (I’m sure it’s the bangs) and sheesh, more beautiful (Yeah right!). I am still contemplating however of having my hair cut really short since people are telling me it’s the most practical and convenient hair-do for expecting women. But I don’t want to cut my hair, even if it looks really dry and ugly now. I wanted my hair long! But I am a practical person as well… so.. I’m not really sure what I’ll do next. I am sure my hair will grow back next year anyways, since I’ve seen it grow and grow faster than anybody else’s hair. Others were even envious of that fact and kept on asking me my hair secrets. Hehehe, I don’t have one. It’s normal of my hair I guess, it grows back fast; thank God I don’t have the same “luck” with my body and/or facial hair. I like my legs (modesty aside). I don’t really have beautiful legs per se; what I mean is that I love my hairless skin. I don’t shave my legs, and it remains smooth. I guess other girls are just not so “lucky” in that area. My cousin for one started shaving her leg since she was 16 because she’s rather hairy and the hair grows back so fast! We always talk about her dream to have the ever expensive New Jersey laser hair removal, or maybe other laser treatments that surgery companies such as Glasgold Group is offering, as long as she won’t have to worry about her hairy leg as long as she lives. But of course, the cost is rather “high” for her right now, maybe when she’s become really really rich. Going back to my hair, I think I’ll have to keep this hair-do, I’m becoming a fan of this hair-do and I’m kinda’ inspired with all the great comments that I’m getting. What do you think? Listening to: Beautiful by Christina Aguilera Feeling: amused |
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August 29th, 2008
Eradicating the scars... POSTED AT 10:43 AM in My Life and what's left of it... I am scarred for life. Yes, scars work that way I suppose. Time heals all wounds maybe but all wounds will leave us marks as it has with me. I’ve always been a forgiving person, I don’t hold grudge, even to the people who’ve hurt me so much they might as well kill me. There was a time when I read a blog post of my friend. She said she found it rather disgusting that others (she means me) can still feature on their pages those people who did something really bad to them, people who’ve hurt them so bad that it makes them commit bad decisions in their lives (which I admit, happened to me). I know she found it unbelievable that I’m still friendly with the people in my ugly past. And I know she’s just concerned about me and she doesn’t really mean bad. She was afraid those people will hurt me again. But she need not worry about that. I am a forgiving person alright, I “forget” other people’s mistakes, but I don’t forget the bad and painful things that I’ve been through, the scars on my heart are but living proof. I am friendly, yet cautious, after all, I am still a civilized and an educated (both in school and in church) person. I just wish though that these scars can be removed. You know, just like how those lotions and creams made of shea butter and cocoa butter promise to remove stretch marks or how those laser scar remover that aesthetic clinics and specialists like the renowned Oakland plastic surgery specialist Dr Sheldon Kabaker are able to get rid of those ugly marks. But this is more than just a physical blemish. No amount of surgery or laser removal can ever take this damage away. Yes, I guess I’m scarred for life and I guess it made me look ugly. I think I can do nothing about it; I better just use it to my gain. I think it will help me to be more careful and watchful, to make right of my future decisions, to be always vigilant. These scars are my diplomas, proofs of my learning and graduating from all those mistakes and pains… I hope. Listening to: Through The Rain by Mariah Carey Feeling: hopeful |
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August 30th, 2008
Transitions... POSTED AT 03:10 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., My Little Nicholas I've been thinking about the changes in my life for the past weeks. And I say, why not? Changes in me have been noticeable lately. Then I realized, we all have to go through such transitions whether we
like it or we like it! LOL! Listening to: Something New In My Life by Stephen Bishop Feeling: grateful |
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