My Mahal's 2nd Visit to Davao
POSTED AT 09:41 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., People, Loving and Living

I know 3 weeks is somehow short. I wanted to spend a lifetime with Mark. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. But I'm thankful for the wonderful three weeks together. Better than nothing -- definitely better than nothing.

21 days and 21 nights. Mark's plane landed on the 14th of January, and it was 9:23PM according to my mobile phone when I saw him by the airport's gate, looking very handsome, sexy and confident in his gray sweatshirt and jeans. I know it was hard not to see him because of his height. But I am sure, even if he wasn't the tallest man who came out the airport gate that very moment, I'll still know it was him, 1000% sure. How? The stars shine above his head, that's why!

The first kiss since he left last October 27, 2009 was the sweetest thing that I've ever had for 2 months. I was supposed to get a picture of him smiling, walking excitedly to my open arms, but I forgot everything when I saw his face. Everything just flew out of the window, if you know what I mean

Mahal brought so many gifts for me and our little Nicholas -- books, videos, chocolates and more for our angel and Victoria's Secret dresses, lingeries, lotions and perfumes, portable DVD player, this laptop that I am using now, and more sexy dresses and more for me. But the most wonderful thing that Mahal brought me is my promise ring -- a beautiful combination of our stones -- his diamonds and my emeralds.

My Mahal proposed to me. Oh yes he already told me his intention to be my husband but he wanted to make it official by a promise ring. He was supposed to propose though in a romantic dinner that we booked in Marco Polo Hotel but the dinner plans were cancelled because of my... errrr... memory gap (no details please). So Mahal proposed to me while we were sitting down on Nicholas' rubber mat in the living room. It was still very romantic even without the candle lights or the wine. And why wouldn't it be romantic? Mahal's looking deeply into my eyes, telling me how much he loves me and wants to spend today, tomorrow and forever with me -- while uhmmm, Nicholas was running around us

Oh I love you very much Mark. Thanks for wanting to spend your lifetime with me, for helping me fulfill my dreams of a big and happy family, for loving me, for taking care of me and Nicholas, for being the sweet, sensitive, responsible, honest and yummy you

 

So yes, the next posts will be about the places we visited, the things we did and the wonderful days we spent together in 21 days. Hope you'll be back to read about them too.

Listening to: I Wanna Love You Forever by Jessica Simpson
Feeling: loved

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A Good Cry...
POSTED AT 03:13 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., My Little Nicholas, Loving and Living

... was what I thought I needed. And so I let the tears pour down like rain. I felt alright after doing so and then I wondered why I had the urge to cry.

I woke up with a heavy feeling this morning. It was as if I was carrying such a heavy load. I ignored the feeling and went on with my daily tasks -- I cooked and ate breakfast with my son, gave him his bath, played with him, then put him to sleep.

I decided I can now continue with my house chores when I saw that my son has used up almost all of his diapers. I let out a sigh and continued cleaning the mess my son has left on the floor.

I was still thinking of the diminishing nappies when I went to the sink and washed my son’ feeding bottles. I notice that his milk containers are empty and so I decided to fill them up with four scoops of powdered milk from his can.

I was dismayed when I opened the can and found that it contains less than one-third of the whole can. I again let out a sigh.

I decided not to entertain any negative thoughts and so I busied myself with the dirty plates and utensils that I used to cook today’s food as well as the ones me and my son used for breakfast. I was about to rinse the plates when I noticed a movement behind me.

Oh no! Less than thirty minutes have passed and my son is already awake. I quickly dried my hands and ran into the room because my son is once again testing his ability to stand and walk on the bed. I can still recall my fear when he fell, face first, on the ground when he first practiced this ability.

Apparently, my son doesn’t want to sleep anymore and has decided his toys needed his attention once again. I followed him around because he happens to see every tiny spot on the floor and wanting to have a taste of everything. When he’s fed up of picking up dirt, he goes on tearing the wood on the wall and wants to taste it as well. If that isn’t enough, he will plug and unplug the fan and sometimes try to put the cable in his mouth. It’s a relief that I am closely watching and following his every move.

I found him getting busy with his musical toy and so I sneaked into the computer and checked my emails.

Nothing.

There was nothing in my mailbox. It seems everybody has forgotten I’m still alive. I felt bad that I still don’t know my status at work.

Then I checked my other work email and found that I have an email which states that I am not getting anything on the 10^th. Now I’m really upset.

I sat down on the floor and cried. I just let the tears flow, I wasn’t making any sound, I was controlling myself because I don’t want to distract my son. But I might as well scream in anguish. My son felt something was wrong and went in front of me. He was looking at me with a confused look in his eyes. I bowed my head and covered my face as I continue shedding my endless tears.

My son sat down in front of me and tried to peel my hands off my face. I let him succeed in doing so because I can see that he’s getting frantic to see my face. We stare at each other while my tears can’t seem to stop from falling.

Then he did something that made me stop crying.

He went to the bed to get his face towel and went back to sit in front of me. Clumsily he tried to wipe my tears with the towel.

It’s as if something’s squeezing my heart. I felt bad for crying in front of my son, for showing him my weakness. He’s such a tiny baby, I should be strong for him.

I pulled him to my arms and hugged him tight that he wiggled himself free. He looked at my face once more. I think he was satisfied that I’m not crying anymore so he went back to his toys.

Yes. I was upset, very upset. I was upset because I worry too much. I was upset because I fear for tomorrow. I was upset because I have been worrying about the future ever since I carried my son in my womb. I was upset because I seem to have endless supplication, endless worries, endless necessities, and more upset that I don’t have the answer in abundance.

I know, things will change for the better. I know the future will be brighter. I know I will be happier tomorrow because two boys love me and will want to do everything to make me happy.

But well, I just had an urge to cry. I just want to take these things off my chest. And yes, it felt good, I am ok, I am fine. Things will be ok tomorrow.

Feeling: calm

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Thanks 2009, Hello 2010 :)
POSTED AT 09:19 PM in My Life and what's left of it..., My Little Nicholas, Loving and Living

My Little Nicholas - My Baby's Blog, come and visit it!

Oh yes! I have so much to be thankful on the year that was. God has given me so much in 2009 and He's not done yet, there's more in store in 2010! I really feel blessed and contented. Thank you dear God

So why am I so grateful of the year that ended?

First, my family (especially my Papa) accepted me again after Nicholas was born. Yes, I was back in Davao in 2009 and was able to move on with my life in my most beloved city

Second, my career stepped up to a whole new level. I was given a raise (not high enough but still it's a raise, hahaha!), then given a much more challenging role. Too bad I wasn't able to carry on with the changes that has transpired in my career life due to personal reasons.

Third, Nicholas has been healthy and is now growing into a very handsome and intelectual young boy. He celebrated his first birthday in 2009 and what a celebration it was! I'm really enjoying motherhood though it isn't always a bed of roses especially with the fact that I was alone most of the time in taking care of my son. Nevertheless, it was very rewarding and enriching. I love every moment with my little boy

Fourth, which is one of the two best things that ever happened to me (the other one was holding Nicholas in my arms when I gave birth to him), was when I decided to open my heart and my life to my destiny. Yes, the man of my dreams came into life. He's real after all, not just an imagination. I thought I'll never be happy with a man again. I thought I'll grow old alone, forever alone. But Mark came and changed all that. Now I have a future, a rosy future, a wonderful future, with a family I call my own

God bless 2009 and the year after it! Now it's 2010 and I am looking forward to a happy life. I know things won't be easy as I am ready to give up everything to start a family with Mark and our little Nicholas. But Mark's love will give me the strength to go through all the barriers. No one and nothing can stop me from living my destiny.

It's 2010, let the journey to forever begin...

Listening to: Destiny by Jim Brickman
Feeling: very very happy

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On The Last Month of 2009
POSTED AT 10:29 AM in My Life and what's left of it...

It's December... I am closer to my destiny, I can almost reach it, I can feel it coming...

2010 is gonna be the year for me and Mark. I vow we will be happy at last, together, forever...

I know I'll go through so many pains and heartaches, but for the ultimate happiness with the man I love, it's all worth it...

Love, wonderful love... I'm ready. Bring it on!

Listening to: You Decorated My Life by Kenny Rogers
Feeling: excited

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I'm Ready
POSTED AT 11:49 AM in My Life and what's left of it..., Loving and Living

to embark to my ultimate destination -- that is, to a family I can call my own...

A decision has been made, a decision that will change my life forever -- for the better, and even for the best. I know we both are entrusting our lives to each other's hand under the guidance of the Father. So this is what they call destiny. I remember writing a post about a love map (you may read about that here). Now I can say that I do have a lovemap! And that the once faceless man has been revealed to me.

I am ready.

Yes, I know I am. I am ready to put everything else aside just to make sure I don't lose my last chance to happiness. I just found what I have been looking for all my life and there's no way I'm gonna throw away the blessings that I received from Him. I will not let Him down too. As the playing song goes... I'll be true to the promise I have made... to my Mahal and to the One who gave him to me...

I love him so.

And I vow to show him everyday just how much I truly love him. Words will never be enough to express my overwhelming affection and passion for him. I may only have my love to give but I will make sure this love will go places, will solve mazes, never fazes...

We are ready.

Together, we will build our hopes and dreams and our foundation would be our love and trust so strong, under the guidance of our Creator. Together we'll be there for each other, for the family that we both long for, for the happy and contented life that we both deserve...

May God bless our love.

Listening to: I Will Be Here by Steven Curtis Chapman
Feeling: loved and inlove

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